Are you willing to do what it takes to create what you really want in your business, career, and finances? It might sound like an obvious answer “well, of course!”, yet when we hit tough choices, we often resist doing the very thing we need to in order to succeed. We stay stuck in our righteous position of what we think and what we’ve planned. I love the quote:

We must be willing to get rid of the life we’ve planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us. - Joseph Campbell

How willing are you?

I have written about this before in an article called “Are You Willing?” following a powerful retreat experience.

The difference between success and failure; happiness and misery can be found in our level of resistance and our willingness to be fully present, take action, make a change, shift our thinking, or take a risk. If you’re not willing, you can be 100% certain of the results and your experience. It will look exactly as what you’re experiencing right now. If you keep doing the same things you’ve always done; you’ll always get what you’ve always got.

This holds true in so many areas of our life and in this economy and business climate willingness puts on a whole new face. The swirl of job eliminations, business start-ups, or changing careers can be a frustrating, confusing, and emotional affair. We all have ideas about how we want things to look or what we think it “should” look like. Yet at the heart of the matter is that you can only deal with what IS. In easy to explain terms that means you can only play the cards you’re dealt (and I mean that in an expansive and creative way of many possibilities which includes things like changing the game, letting go of the cards, etc.) Read the rest of this entry »

Last night I had the great pleasure of being a guest on the television show Talk 2 Me Live with Life Coach Natasha Sherman on TV 30 - Princeton Community Television. I was asked to talk more about what it means to be comfortable in your own skin and the benefits of being so.

This was my first time appearing on TV so I was very very excited. I hadn’t a clue where to begin in terms of preparation. Not to mention, I am no fashion queen and don’t think about these sorts of things so thank goodness I have a great team of colleagues around me that helped me navigate these waters. When the host informed me that I should just do my own makeup, my eyes did that bouncing funny thing they do in cartoons because I haven’t worn makeup since the 1980’s (and boy do I have frightening pictures of THAT) other than my experimentation with lip venom lipstick on our Olivia cruise, I am as come as I am kinda woman.

So I just have to say thank goodness I have great people around me to support me (and rescue me from myself where needed). I believe that is KEY to being comfortable in your own skin and being successful - knowing what you are good at and what you are not. Then, finding great people to fill in the gaps. So a big shout out to my coach Heather Dominick, hair and makeup maven Meghan and colleagues Maria Martino Evans, Gina Furial Rubel, and Kirstin Carey for pitching in and making this “first” for me successful. Of course I always send a big thanks to my partner Kim because she gets to be the dry run audience for EVERYTHING. She deserves a medal.

I will soon have video clips from the appearance to share. In the meanwhile, if you live in the Princeton TV 30 viewing area the show will be rebroadcast several times this week. Check their website and your local listings.

All I can say is that if you can imagine it - you can do it. While TV was a stretch outside my comfort zone I found that in the end it was a heck of a lot of fun and I truly enjoyed it. It was a great opportunity for me to practice what I preach — to get clear, get grounded, and then let go of fear, expectation, and judgment. With a little bit of preparation and a clear powerful message it was easy and joyful and yet another affirmation to me personally that the process really works in real world situations.

Recently I was listening to Caroline Myss’ radio show. She brought up the distinction between thinking and reflecting which I find to be extremely beneficial to putting words to what can often be a difficult to understand concept. How often do we say “I’ll think on that” or “I need to think about it and make a decision”? Pretty often. What I find in myself and my clients is that often we find ourselves thinking when what we really need to do is spend time reflecting. So, what is the difference?

In her June 28, 2008 newsletter, she talks about “The Healing Power of Reflection”:

A mystic, then, is one who has experienced the power of Truth, as Truth is one of the disguises of God. But Truth, like the mystical revelation of unconditional Love, is not something that the mind can grasp. You cannot comprehend the meaning or the power of unconditional Love as an expression of the Divine by thinking about that. Here’s where we begin to examine the split in the road between the fundamental nature of thinking, which is a mental art that engages reason and logic, and the more interior skill of reflection, which draws you away from reason and logic and directs your attention toward transcendent pursuits. Unconditional Love is a mystical force, not a logical or reasonable one. Therefore, to say that one comprehends the meaning, the power, the size, the significance, or the magnitude that unconditional Love offers for the transformation of humanity, is preposterous.

While Caroline is talking about deep, mystical matters in her newsletter the distinction between thinking and reflection is extremely important to segment for a moment. While I love her work and it stretches me every time, I often find myself intimidated by its depth. Sometimes I struggle with how to apply it in everyday life, being a practical kind of gal. That is why I want to talk a little about thinking vs. reflecting as it relates to comfortable in your own skin coaching.

In my words thinking is about the mind. It is about reason, figuring it out, and engaging the rational, ego-centric mind to attempt to make sense of something. You know how you might look at a challenge or decision point in your life and try to fit it into little boxes and logical decisions? That is all about thinking. And, thinking can be great. Without it we might get caught floating around in something more esoteric all the time. However, it can also be very limiting. Especially if we find ourselves faced with a key decision or stymied by a challenge. Thinking can only take us so far and sometimes it is the biggest factor holding us back.

Reflecting on the other hand is an inside job. It is about letting your heart and soul speak. It requires letting go of the rational mind (including a bunch of “shoulds”), going into your interior life, and listening. This is where things can get scary because sometimes what we hear flies in the face of what our rational mind thinks. Sometimes the messages we hear go beyond what we can comprehend. Yet, if we truly listen sometimes these very messages we cannot begin to understand with our mind are the very guideposts we must act upon if we are to move toward fulfilling our biggest dreams, our true life purpose.

If all that sounds like too much to bite off and chew at once, start small. Simply start to listen with an attitude of discernment and reflect upon life’s big questions rather than trying to figure it out and mastermind your life. The idea of plotting out and controlling your life is ludicrous anyway, so let go a bit and allow yourself to tap into the messages from your heart and from a higher power.

The way you truly get to know if you’re on the right path with your life is never through your mind or thinking. It is through your heart — it is an experience and a feeling. An inner knowing not based on reason or rational thought. So, if you’re looking for affirmation at a thinking level - you’re tuned to the wrong channel! Instead, spend some time quietly going into your inner world, listen and reflect.

Photo Credit: Henkster

more cat pictures

I love this photo — it is a “funny” look at one of the most important fundamentals of comfortable in your own skin coaching. It is this simple truth:

Wherever you go, there you are.

You can’t get “rid” of YOU. So you better learn to get really cozy with yourself and learn how to optimize your unique gifts in a way that brings you joy. Otherwise, life will be a long, frustrating experience for you.

Want to hear more about this very topic? Check out this audio snippet from my speaking engagement last week. In the audio I talk a bit about the 1st secret to being comfortable in your own skin.

Last weekend I had the chance to take a 20 hour course in Wilderness First Aid and CPR through offered by the Wilderness Medicine Institute (WMI) of the National Outdoor Leadership School (NOLS). If that sentence of acronyms is any indication to you, I can tell you the weekend was long, intense, hands-on, and an awesome experience.

Kim and I spend a lot of time outdoors in all seasons — biking, hiking, paddling, and taking on whatever adventures we can find when we travel. Often we engage in these activities as a pair without any organized group or trip leader. We’ve hiked up to around 9,000 feet on Mount Rainier, paddled 18 miles round trip on Maligne Lake in Jasper National Park, and hiked the famed Angels Landing Trail in Zion (which I wrote about and was published) just the two of us. And that’s just three that pop to the top of my head as I type. The list could go on and on. While we don’t typically do overnight trips (yet! but I will break through that barrier if I have to hire my wilderness friend to help me!) it is not uncommon for us to be out and about anywhere from a few hours to an entire day. So, what if something happens to one of us or we encounter someone in trouble?

That has always been a BIG What If? I had always wanted to take a WFA course for this very reason and luckily my friend Liz happened to arrange one locally, the stars aligned, and we got to participate with the best group of people you’d want to share an experiential class with. Brett Simpson was our instructor and he was great. Blending real world experience with teaching and an emphasis on the practical he managed to keep us all alert, engaged, and learning for what was a very intense weekend. (think - 20 hours of training in 2 days and that doesn’t include breaks, lunch or travel to/from the classroom…your mind begins to melt.)

The class is not just a lecture but true hands on scenarios which were practical and applicable whether you hike in remote back country or simply like to exercise in the local park. Scenarios came complete with professional stage makeup (man that stuff is amazingly real!) so we had people badly bruised, oozing, bleeding, burned, and ranging from screaming to unresponsive. I have to tell you scenario or not there were moments that definitely can unnerve you. But the great thing is you walk away empowered having stepped outside of your comfort zone and armed yourself with knowledge and a proven system to follow.

This experience along with my recent Habitat for Humanity experience got me thinking about what I like to call practical empowerment. It is not about knowing it all or being an expert. It is about being able to feel confident that you can handle anything that comes your way. Now in this example that doesn’t mean that I, as someone who has had a weekend of medical training, can handle anything imaginable. Heck no! What it does mean is that I know enough to be able to do my very best to be of help to the best of my skills and ability and then choose a sensible plan of action to get someone the full and proper help they need. This might also mean at times doing your best and not having things work out. Then it is back to the course of Planting Acceptance I wrote about before.

At the end of the day I see practical empowerment as a great excuse buster. As in - what’s your excuse for not getting out and about now? Your mind might say “what if” or as one of our participants said - “I’m just staying in camp- it’s too dangerous out there”. Yet, the truth is a tremendous amount of serious accidents and fatalities happen right at home. So that sort of busts the myth that locking yourself in your house and staying there is “safe”, right?!

The excuses that you use for holding yourself back might have nothing to do with the outdoors. It might relate to creative expression through art, getting up and speaking in front of a group, or even just allowing yourself some free time. The philosophy is the same - give yourself some practical empowerment, grant yourself permission, and give it a shot. What do you have to lose?

Photo Credits: All photos taken by Brett Simpson.