I am someone who would fit the description of: what you see is what you get.  I tell it like it is (much to others’ chagrin at times) - good, bad, or indifferent — with as much tact as I can.  I also believe that it is worth the time to give others an unsolicited pat on the back, particularly if something they did or said had a positive impact on me. I do it because it feels right to me not because I expect anything in return (and I know how GOOD it feels when someone does it to me).  Funny thing is, though, it seems the more authentic I am, the more good things flow my way. I think there may be a connection there.

For instance, last fall, I discovered all the great work Patsi and Denise over at Build a Better Blog were doing to help businesses succeed using blogging as a marketing tool.  While I was planning and developing this site, I found one of their eBooks to be of great value to me. So, after launching coaching4lesbians.com, I let them know about it.  I was simply being authentic and expressing my gratitude. 

As an unexpected result, they asked if they could use my comments as testimonial and they featured that on their site.  I found it very cool, and a great win-win for us both - a success story for them and a little exposure for me.

Bottom line is…this little serendipitous experience reminded me that it doesn’t have to be hard work or the equivalent of an archaeological dig to have positive results flow into my life.  Simply focus on being me, being authentic and what I “do” will often speak for itself.

Have you ever had something unexpectedly good happen to you?  Were you being your authentic self at the time?  Was there a connection?  Let me know by sharing in the comments…

As high achieving women, we seem to have a plan for everything — the business, the weekend, the vacation, the career, and our social calendar.  Do you have a plan for renewing and restoring your body? Top notch car racers have a pit crew. Who makes up your body wellness pit crew?
 
Most of us only pay attention to our bodies when something is wrong. Then we go to the doctor, drug store, or maybe even the holistic practitioner to cure what ails us.  Then it is back to the grind until something else in our system “complains”.

The way I see it is our bodies need preventative maintenance and tuning as much as (if not moreso) than our cars.  It is impossible to live our best life and be optimally effective if our bodies are out of whack.  My absolutely favorite piece of my personal plan is regular bodywork by an experienced practitioner.  For me that takes the form of a cornucopia of modalities (types of) massage and energy work several times a month. “Luxury” you say?  I find it a crucial ingredient to allow me to be my best.

I have found the benefits to be exponentially greater than the cost.  Some of the results I have personally experienced include:

• Less stress
• Reduced muscle tension
• More energy
• Injury prevention
• Faster recovery from injury
• Less illness
• More balanced emotions
• Overall better feeling inhabiting my body

A recent study an article showed that as a whole Americans were more stressed in 2005 than 2004. And we all know being stressed out leads to burnout and diminishing results and enjoyment in both our professional and personal lives. You can read the full article here.

If you want to learn more about massage or find a certified practitioner you can visit the American Massage Therapy Association website.

Maybe massage is not your cup of tea. That’s ok. Simply ask yourself: “What other types of systems would I like to create to take care of my body?”  Write down the answers and start scheduling the activities in regularly.

Don’t let the vehicle of your dreams (your body) breakdown due to neglect. Take some time to create a business plan for your body.

Selfish has gotten a bad wrap. Even the dictionary equates selfish with the desire to consider one’s own interests at the expense of others.  However, that is not really what being selfish is.  Selfish at its purest sense is taking care of one’s own interests.  It is being self-aware, self-full, and self-caring.  That is, being conscious of our own needs and interests and taking care of ourselves.  It does not mean being egocentric, uncaring, or making choices that are at the expense of others.

Think of selfishness as being aware of the need to take care of yourself.  The best analogy out there is to think of the flight attendant’s instructions in case of an an emergency on the plane.  “Put your oxygen mask on before you assist others.”  Because, if you can’t breathe and function, you’ll be of no use to anyone else.

That is what I mean by selfishness. Putting on your oxygen mask and making sure you are OK before you try to help others.  It is an ongoing process of making sure you are tending to your own self-care on a daily basis so you can be of service to others and perform at your best.

So, here’s my 5 benefits of learning to be selfish:

1) More energy. 
By taking care of yourself and replenishing your energy, you  have more energy to give to your work, your play, and your relationships.

2) It upgrades your personality. 
Anyone who has run themselves ragged tending to everyone else’s demands knows that it is a surefire way to become bitchy, cranky, and reactive.  If you give yourself the attention you need and deserve, you automatically handle all the rest of the “stuff” around you easier and with more grace.

3) Improves your health and well-being. 
If you are paying attention to the needs of your body, mind, and spirit, you cannot help but look and feel better. 

4) You become more effective and productive. 
Time for self-care creates room for clarity and renewal.  It makes you mentally sharper and able to be more creative and effective.  Have you ever gotten a good idea or solved a problem while taking a shower or going for a walk?  If so, you already know the value of taking a break from constant activity.

5) You get more of what you want and less of what you don’t.
People with a strong consistent practice of self-care are simply more attractive. They are getting their needs met on an ongoing basis.  With that comes a host of bonuses, one of which is being able to attract more positive people, opportunities, and things into your life. Commitment to self-care acts like a magnet drawing positive outcomes towards you and repelling negative people and habits.

I’m sure I’ll be talking a lot more about this topic in the coming weeks.  Meanwhile, one of the best books I have ever read on learning how to incorporate self-care into your life is Cheryl Richardson’s “Take Time for Your Life”.

Let’s face it, we all like to do business with like-minded lesbian owned businesses when we can.  While I am not someone who has this as their first critieria when making a purchasing decision, it is often one of my critieria if the circumstance lends itself to it.

There are plenty of gay and gay-friendly directories on the web and in print.  So far, though the Lesbian-Business Directory is the The ONLY lesbian owned and operated business directory I have found online.

In addition to the business directory, they also offer a selection of business related articles, interviews, and resources as well for the budding businesswoman.  While it is so far a small selection, I believe this part of their site is new as of late 2005, so I would expect it to grow.

Here’s a funny little tale that I consider worthy of “a day in the life …” sort of story. It involves assumptions, confusion, the Pope, a tuxedo, and two lesbians. 
My partner and I are taking our first Olivia Cruise in less than two weeks.  On that cruise is a formal night. The good news is that I’m looking forward to it and it has none of that angst of the dreaded formal-anything dances from my adolescent years.  It’ll be she and I and thousands of other women being dressed up in whatever way feels good to them, having a good time out in the middle of the ocean somewhere warm.  But alas, I want to rent a tuxedo and need to be measured….so I can order the thing online to be delivered to my stateroom. Here’s where the fun begins.

Now, I have worn a tuxedo exactly once before for our commitment ceremony.  And, that fitting experience went fairly well.  If nothing else, I was young(er), bleary eyed with excitement, and living in a town a whole lot hipper than where I am now.

On the top of the list of Saturday errands was…get tuxedo measurements.  So, I first try the dry cleaner/alteration lady. She stutters in broken english — “no, you need tailor.”  Then I drive to the goofy little “downtown” near where I work and the fascinating little “bridal world” is closed.  With tempers rising, I decide to call the next place, “tuxedo world” and make sure they do complimentary fittings and are actually open.  This is where the real tale begins.

I call to ask my question and a young woman answers “Sure, we do complimentary fittings, just bring him in.” I hang up, look at my girlfriend and say, “She said to bring HIM in.”  Off we go…with my girlfriend smirking the whole way.  I say to her that she is loving this just a bit too much and that there better not be any large crucifixes hanging on the wall of this place (because frighteningly so, there are such life-size hangings in the local grocery around the Easter holidays where we live).

I get there, trudge up the steps and explain to the young lady that I had just called and that while I did not bring “him” in, I am here to get measured.  She was a little perplexed and asked, “So, we’ll just measure you then?”. I said, “That would be great since I will be the one wearing the tuxedo.”  A moment of mental processing passed and we were off to the measuring races.

While the woman was very pleasant and my partner continued to amuse her with talk of all pictures of local prom couples on the wall, I couldn’t help but be distracted by the large picture cards of the Pope and Vatican on her desk.  While I have absolutely nothing against any religion, I can definitely say that having the Pope staring at me during my tux fitting made me a little hot under the collar.

We left the place with measurements in hand and I am now all set to go for the big formal night.  But I have to say this little vignette reminded me once again of how it’s often the little things that show up in our day to day lives that can sometimes make us feel different or somehow a little “less than” or “not enough”.

What do you do to stay strong and true when you hit these little “day in the life…” moments?