I am tickled pink to report that LesbiaNation has featured not one, but two recent articles by yours truly, Paula G in the Lifestyle section.

Making Peace with The Unknown

Do we ever really know anything? Can we be sure? I know for me indecision and being stuck is often the result of fear. Fear of the unknown. “What if?” And as any good therapist will tell you, you could “what if” yourself to death and never do a blessed thing with your life because you’re too afraid and panic stricken to act.

Read the rest….

and

Look Where You Want to Go

If you stay focused on your vision and goals while taking action to move forward, you are far more likely to make them a reality. Even when you find yourself where you don’t want to be and feel like you’re stuck in a black hole, the ability to focus on where you want to go versus obsessing about being stuck in the hole can mean the difference between progress and a dead end.

Read the rest…..

While you’re there have a look around as there is a plethora of great content on their site.

If you liked what you read…sign up for my monthly “Beyond Burnout” eZine to receive more articles like these delivered to your inbox each month. It’s free and I will never share or sell your e-mail address, period.

Driving around here in the burbs of Bucks and Montgomery County PA (complete with a few fire and brimstone establishments) the little messages in the front of churches are rarely inspiring. They are usually either just a clever little play on words or a plea for the congregants to actually show up for service. However, Sunday night I passed a church that had the message “Aspire to Inspire Before You Expire” on it. While it is a clever play on words (and a tongue twister at that — try saying it 3 times fast to your partner in the car after a 3 hour drive), it got me to thinking about its bigger message…

What would the impact on the world and our lives be if we each showed up each day with the intention to inspire? Rather than schlep through the day trying to just get through it or complaining about our circumstances, what if we committed to being the best we could be and believed that just by being authentic we could inspire others?

If this was true (and it is…) would you approach the day, this month, and even your life a little differently?

The reality is that we often don’t know who we impact by our actions, both big and small. Consider these stories we’ve all heard or read about:

• A lesbian teen that is so grateful to learn about other lesbians (through an article, radio show, etc.) that she then knows she is not alone; she chooses life instead of suicide.
• A young girl who reads about the pioneer women in a particular industry previously dominated by men (aerospace, professional race car driving, law enforcement) and believes that she too can realize her dreams.
• An elderly or ill person whose spark for living is ignited by a simple gesture of kindness by a stranger.

Think about a time in your life that someone had a huge impact on you. What they did or said caused a positive shift inside you or gave you a boost of confidence. It could be a teacher, friend, author, musician, or total stranger. Have you ever thanked them or told them about how what they did/who they are made a difference in your life? In many cases, I’d venture the answer is no.

It is often this seemingly invisible layer of positive energy in action that inspires us to move forward, be courageous, or believe in possibilities. And, because it often goes unacknowledged it means we may never know the impact we have on others. However, if we trust in the awesome power we each possess and live our lives with an intention to inspire, just imagine the possibilities….

Nina over at Queercents is conducting a series of interviews with couples around the topic of finances and how it affects their relationship. Goodness knows money is one of the most challenging topics couples face. Why? Because money holds so much emotional power for all of us (not to mention purchasing power) and when you combine two sets of beliefs and behaviors that could potentially be wildly incompatible, you get a challenge at best and a nasty divorce at worst. And the worst part about it is couples rarely talk about the money thing before deciding to partner and live together. It is like an after thought and then suddenly the topic comes up and it’s like — “you what?!?”

This week, Kim and I are the featured interviewees. You can read the full article complete with a picture of us from our recent Olivia cruise here.

As a long-term couple that has had their ups and downs with money, I can attest to the fact that being open and brutally honest with the reality of finances is the best way to make this part of a relationship work. While being brutally honest, however it is imperative to show ruthless compassion for one another because as financial guru Suze Orman often says “people first, then money”. I learned this lesson the hard way at times when we’d get into a heated discussion about money and I’d forget that it is more important to love my partner (even with tough love at times) and be respectful and compassionate than it is to hammer home some point about money in a moment of high emotion. What I also learned over the years is that I cannot change the other person. It took time, willingness, and courage on Kim’s part to shift some of her negative beliefs and behaviors around money to get us to where we are today in terms of priorities and plans around money. Goodness knows I have my bugaboos too that trip me up and if you asked her she’d say I sometimes drive her nuts.

The good and bad news is that: relationships are always a work in progress. If you’re in it for the long haul plan on devoting time and energy for maintaining ongoing diligence and communication in order to be successful and find harmony in your financial matters.

What does the financial communication look like in your relationship? Is it going smoothly? Rocky? Are you off the path entirely in a ditch somewhere? Or, are you avoiding the money conversation like the plague?

Most people treat productivity as a holy grail. Companies continue to try to do more with less (to an utterly absurd degree) and individuals are trying to do more with less. And somehow this crazy cycle is supposed to equate to the American Dream or a quality of life.

But what’s meant by productivity is often glossed over.

Productivity is simply this: Total Output divided by Units of Input.

Clearly in the world today companies and countries are increasing output at an exponential rate. Our internet speed, throw away, impatient society demands it; not to mention the shareholders. And with less and less people having to do more, that means the Units of Input part of the equation is going down (less people) but the Total Input is going up (doing more work). So the whole world is touting that is it more productive but people are working to the max and beyond, burning out, and sacrificing having a life to do it.

What are we sacrificing in our life and well being to ante up all this added input that seems to be “required” by our employers and the business environment? What is it costing us?

At some point it all catches up with you. That may be cliche, but let’s face it, even the car we drive needs to be refueled and taken to the mechanic for preventative maintenance. If we don’t, we find ourselves by the side of the road, newly annointed pedestrians or waiting for AAA Road Service to tow our stranded self to the garage. Then, we pay exhorbitantly in both time, inconvenience, money, and lost productivity simply to get back on the road again.

• Have you stopped running on the treadmill of life recently to stop and fuel your body, mind, and soul recently?

Or,

• Are you waiting (maybe even secretly or subconsciously hoping) for a breakdown to give your overworked self a rest?

Chaos and confusion are the precursor to creation. I’ve pondered this idea for a long time, but recently I’ve had enough examples of it to make me a believer. And, as someone who is not very comfortable with chaos and confusion, I need to coax myself into learning how to sit within the creative madness in order to come out the other side with a masterpiece (or at least something neat and new!).

Example 1: Back to the roofer example. There was pretty much utter confusion and chaos as my new roof was getting put on. While I can’t say I was particularly happy with their cleanup job, in the end, I was the proud owner of not only a new roof, but a much higher quality and nicer looking roof than I had when I started. If someone would’ve told me in the midst of it all with nails, staples, bags, and shingles all over my lawn, flower beds, and bushes, I would’ve told them they were mad. However, just a few weeks removed from it all, it looks beautiful (even if there are still a few loose ends) AND it is nice to enjoy a rainy day here in the Northeast without having to worry about leaks.

Example 2: A few weeks ago we ripped out and replaced our front and rear walkways ourselves. At one point there were a lot of rocks, sand, tools, and stepping stones all over the place. It needed to be that way to allow ourselves the space in which to work and create our new vision for our walkway. We had to make a mess first before we could make it nice, neat, and new. Today you’d never know it looked horrible a few weeks ago and was all torn apart for an entire Sunday. It is simply nice, neat, fresh, and a pleasure to look at.

Example 3: This weekend I watched the special features that came with the Rent DVD. They profiled the life and death of creator Jonathan Larson and particularly his devotion to his craft. While I can now watch his musical in the theater and on the screen and marvel at just how perfectly characters, lines, and melody flow, it wasn’t always that way. Even after he had a producer for the show and early signs indicated much promise, he endured hours on end of artistic agony working and re-working the story, the characters, and the music. When we watch a film, attend the theater, listen to music, or read a book we tend to forget about the hours, months, days, or years that went into creating the piece of art we are enjoying. We forget that creating a final piece requires shitty first drafts, almost finished pieces that get tossed when we go back to the drawing board, and a whirlwind of blood, sweat, and tears. However, it is all there. It is all part of the process. Amidst all the ups and downs of the process, the creator needs to have an unshakeable belief in her vision. Otherwise, she’d just pack it in, get a beer, and go watch TV. That’s where belief and persistence comes in.

• Do you give yourself permission to be chaotic and confused or does everything have to be perfect?
• Are you willing for things to be a little messy for a while as you realize your vision?
• Can you trust in the creative process even on a bad day?