When did basking in our achievements get such a bad wrap that we fear taking a few minutes out to celebrate? I just listened to one of those “blah blah” sort of voicemails that gets cascaded in a corporation from the head honchos to the worker bees. It is moments like these that I am reminded WHY I continue to build my business so that I can be independent of what my friend calls “Corporate Head Syndrome” (CHS). CHS is when you start speaking gibberish and no longer relate to people as human beings because you’re so focused on some perceived future “everything will be perfect when…” goal. In this long winded voice message from on high, the person took about one sentence to praise people for their efforts in reaching a goal that is unprecedented in the industry and immediately launched into the “and we have so much more work to go, we can’t rest on our laurels” caveat that it made my head spin. Are people THAT fearful that somehow if they were to encourage people to celebrate what they’ve accomplished that everyone would instantly turn into a slug and never do another ounce of work?

While you can’t control what other people think or say, the problem lies with the fact that this same damaging mindset is often part of the tape we play inside our own heads. When we achieve a goal, rather than drink in the feeling of accomplishment and acknowledge ourselves in a way that builds self-esteem, confidence, and the probability of future success, we rush headlong into the next thing and/or belittle our accomplishments when talking to others.

For example, rather than tell someone, “I successfully completed a 100K bike ride and I’m proud of my accomplishment”, we start throwing in qualifiers and comparisons that dimish our brilliance. Instead, we’ll say, “I just completed a 100K bike ride, but I didn’t go very fast, and it doesn’t count because the terrain was flat, and so-and-so did 200K in the same amount of time and they only have one leg”. While I get a little humorous with this example to illustrate a point, I know for a fact (from listening to myself, my clients, and my friends) that as women we often tend to minimize our accomplishments because we fear appearing boastful.

The only way to build self-confidence and a healthy self-esteem is from the inside out. First we have to acknowledge ourselves as being worthy and perfect just as we are. We need to stop and honor ourselves for our efforts and accomplishments regardless of anyone else’s opinion. If you want to lead and succeed in this world (and everyone is a leader in some way), some people are going to like you and some aren’t. It’s a fact. Given that fact, there’s no day like today to stop seeking approval from others and the world at large and start giving yourself the kudos you deserve.

Play the Self-Acknowledgment Game

One of my favorite exercises is the self-acknowledgment game. To play the game, each day you make a list of at least 10 things you acknowledge yourself for. It doesn’t matter if you perceive them as something big (landing a primo client) or small (getting out of bed and taking a shower). After all, someone else’s seemingly “small” accomplishment can be monumentally “big” to someone else. It just matters that you consistently make a list of at least 10 things each day.

Do this for at least 30 days. Notice if it gets easier to make the list as the month progresses. Also notice how you feel about yourself each day and the level of your self-esteem and confidence.

For any client I start working with who is stuck moving forward or questioning their ability to achieve something in their life, I always assign this exercise. What clients find is that the more they acknowledge themselves, the more confident and courageous they become when pursuing their goals; not to mention the fact that they just feel all around better about themselves and this reflects in their relationships with the people around them.

I know for me, when I first started my own personal growth journey I found this exercise VERY hard. Over time it paid huge dividends in my life and whenever I am down in the dumps or feel like I am not accomplishing “enough” with my life, I assign myself this exercise again. It always does the trick to get me back on track and willing to stand in my own personal power.

So, get started celebrating who you are and what you’ve achieved!

In the movie Peaceful Warrior, Socrates (Nick Nolte) asks young Dan Millman (played by Scott Mechlowicz) “Are You Happy?” Dan replies, “What does happy have to do with anything?” To which Socrates replies, “It has everything to do with everything.”

Needless to say, “Type A” driven champion athlete, campus stud, straight “A” student Dan initially thinks this life lesson is a load of crap. Happy? Who cares about happy? Once I win the big championship title and go to the Olympics, THEN I’ll be happy. Does this sound familiar to you? What is the fill in the blank for you in this sentence?

Once I get the big {enter whatever it is you’re striving for here} I’ll be happy.

Perhaps it is that big job promotion, getting your own business off the ground, winning the lottery (a popular choice), or buying that big vacation house. The truth of the matter is, though (and I can attest to this with my own experience over and over), we get to these “milestones” and “if only…then” moments and realize while the achievement is great, it doesn’t change who we are, how we feel about ourselves, or our ultimate life-happy-meter.

In the movie, it is not until Dan has everything he lives for taken away from him that he can REALLY start to learn about the way a peaceful warrior lives life and learn who he really is deep within his core. I won’t give too much away about the story, but the movie is definitely one with an inspiring message and a lesson to teach. While I don’t think it lives up to the oomph of the book (one of my all time favorites) - Way of the Peaceful Warrior by Dan Millman , it is a movie well worth seeing and sharing with those you love.

Take a few moments and notice:

• Are you happy with WHO you are right now?
• What are you waiting for to be happy?
• What if right now was as good as it gets, could you be happy then?
• What kind of person would you have to be to experience happiness with who you are every day regardless of external circumstances?

If you’re noticing a discrepancy between how you’re experiencing life right now and how you’d really like to experience it, what is one thing you can do to bring more peace and contentment to this moment right now? Since we only have “right now”, if you can start stringing the “right now” moments together you have taken the first step toward changing the rest of your life.

Between e-mails and the harried life we lead, it seems a miracle if people remember to take a moment to say thank you at all anymore. It is a shame because acts of gratitude have an exponential positive impact – on the person saying thanks and the person receiving the thank you. And, quite frankly there is nothing quite like a handwritten thank you card in today’s high-tech, low-touch world.

Recently a client of mine had a goal of completing the first draft of her novel by her 50th birthday. The timeframe was a little tight since we started working together only about 13 weeks before her birthday. While she has been a writer and editor all her life, the dream of completing a novel eluded her. Lo and behold with some coaching and a lot of hard work, she reached her goal (I never had a doubt!)! This week she not only turned 50 but printed off a glorious 230 pages of her manuscript to start the editing process. To celebrate her birthday I had gotten her a card and a one of the classic books on writing, Anne Lamott’s Bird by Bird . During more than one coaching session, we talked about the need to let go and just write that “shitty first draft” as Lamott tells it.

My client was happy to receive this gift and took the time to write a brief thank you note. I certainly didn’t expect it, but it sure is a heartwarming gesture and is much appreciated. Maybe I am a sucker for an old-fashioned handwritten note that reflects the uniqueness of the person sending it (after all, our handwriting is always distinctive even for those of us who lean toward the illegible), but when someone takes the time to say thanks it makes the world a better place. It opens up a space where both people can receive more abundance into their lives.

Who could you thank today?
Think of someone who has done something you are thankful for. It could be a gift, a gesture, ongoing support, or something as simple as a kind word when you’re having a bad day. Then, go out and let them know either with a phone call or note, just how thankful you are!

Did you know that if you throw a frog in boiling water, it’ll try like hell to jump out and probably make whatever sort of screaming noises a frog can make? You’re probably thinking, hell yeah, I would too! Did you also know that if you put a frog in a pot in cool water and slowly raised the temperature until it was boiling that the frog wouldn’t fight one bit to get out? You’d simply cook it alive with no fanfare whatsoever.

Most recently I heard this story while listening to the audio book CrazyBusy: Overstretched, Overbooked, and About to Snap! By Dr. Edward Hallowell.

The point being that when we look at our lives it is not like we woke up one morning and were suddenly overbooked and feeling out of our minds. If we did, we would probably have screamed and jumped out of the pot like the frog. Instead, the insane pace and overbooked, burned out world we are living in happened gradually. First a little technology, then some added demands, add in some downsizing, a little more technology, and a few more commitments. We slowly built our lives into this boiling pot that can be a challenge and exhausting to manage and survive at times. Unconsciously it all sort of just “happened”.

The only way to nip this problem and back away from the edge of snapping is to consciously be aware of all that we put into our pot and then slowly remove commitments and obligations until the water in our pot cools to a more livable level. World renown coach Cheryl Richardson often says (and I paraphrase here because I can’t remember the exact words) — a high quality life is often more a function of what we remove from our lives than what we add to it. I’m not suggesting we go back to the days of working a farm and pulling a manual plow but there is something to be said for a degree of simplicity that allows us to breathe and actually experience our life. Since I am just getting over digestive system flu, I am once again amazed at how simple life can get when I’m forced to simply stop. While I certainly don’t enjoy having a fever and feeling ill (goodness knows I am an awful, impatience patient), being reduced to a lot of sleeping, movie watching, and reading certainly reinforces the fact that the world will continue to turn even if I am not busily working on something.

So, starting this month, unless you’re trying to cook yourself for dinner, consider turning down the heat and saving a frog.

Note: This can of course apply to cooking lobsters or other such animals as well… and as an animal lover myself, please take this post in the metaphorical sense even though apparently someone, somewhere actually scientifically proved this concept.

One of the key things that sets successful people apart from those that fall short of their dreams is that successful people do the things others are not willing to do. For instance, if you want to get into shape, you need to eat right and exercise. Everyone knows this; it is a no-brainer. But, how many people actually do it? Those that are successful at it exercise and make positive food choices even when they don’t feel like it. That is what sets them apart.

You might think, but Paula you keep talking about living a fulfilling life and having more joy and this last paragraph seems incongruent. Does this mean I need to grit my teeth and bear it and just do everything I “should”? Certainly not. A forced life full of “shoulds” and things that don’t set your heart on fire because it aligns with your values is inauthentic. However, the road to success is not always a bed of roses, but I do believe it is worth enjoying whatever flowers (or lack thereof) are along the way. That is why it is important to set up systems that support you in your plan for success because left to the whim of “feeling like it”, even the best of us would be sipping margaritas by the pool rather than doing the work necessary to get us where we want to be.

This morning I was listening to archives of The Debbie Ford Show on Hay House Radio. (You can read why I love and recommend Hay House Radio at this earlier post). After several years of being immersed in Debbie’s work http://www.debbieford.com as one part of my coach training, I love to listen to her show to fortify myself (coaches need our own juice and self-care too!). She was coaching a young woman who wanted to get out of her head and into her heart because she was over-analyzing her life while happiness eluded her. Debbie recommended she exercise 45 minutes a day for 28 days as a practice to get into her body. After all, there is a reason that athletes get a “high” from being in the zone. It is purely being in the moment and in your body. Her advice was that even on days you don’t feel like exercising, do it anyway. That’s the whole point behind perseverance as a success principle - taking action even when you don’t feel like it, even when it is rainy and cold outside, even when it is sunny and you’d rather be lounging, and even when your schedule looks “too busy”.

Ask yourself:

• What are the actions you know you need to be taking on a consistent basis but don’t?
• What gets in the way of you taking these actions?
• How can you set up a system that will support you in taking these actions consistently even on days when you don’t feel like it?

By stringing together moment after moment of positive action is what will enable you to be unstoppable in pursuit of success on your own terms.