Next month, yours truly will be hosting the blog carnival for the Carnival of Bent Attractions (all sorts of blog posts having to do with LGBT topics). Submitting your blog’s posts to the carnival is a great way to connect with other people online and have new visitors drop in for the first time.

Here are the details:

• Submit Your Articles - here
• Deadline: 12:01AM on August 2nd!
• Learn more about the Carnival of Bent Attractions

I will posting all the entries here at Coaching4Lesbians.com on August 10th. Stay tuned….

On Sunday I participated in the 34th annual American Cancer Society Bike-a-Thon from Philadelphia to May’s Landing, New Jersey. I completed the 63 mile ride (which includes the perk of riding across the Benjamin Franklin Bridge) in a little over 4 hours of riding time. While I’ve done the ride several times, I haven’t done it in a few years. Unfortunately, with each passing year the list of people whose memory or survival I honor keeps growing longer and more personal. In a world that moves too fast, events like this are always rich with lessons and insights into how to live whatever time we have on this planet most fully.

While I have always enjoyed this ride as an opportunity to push my limits a little further than usual and to support a great cause, this year I found I enjoyed the journey more than any year previously. I was able to drop the stress, expectations, and self-criticism and be fully present to the experience. Usually I waste a lot of energy burning out on wishing I were a faster rider, obsessing about some minute detail, or worrying about negative things (like crashing or bonking or getting injured, etc.). This time I simply didn’t. I pushed myself but not at an all costs frenzy (averaging around 14.7mph). I prepared well for the ride (both on and off the bike). I put safety first and kept good tabs on the state of my mind and body along the way, but didn’t let anything rattle me (not even the inevitable few accident scenes I biked past). Instead, I occupied my mind with enjoying the journey and reflecting on the true meaning of the ride.

Here are some of the insights I became aware of along the way that contribute not only to the success of my ride and the event as a whole, but translate directly to secrets of success in everyday.

Passion
The passion of the volunteers and riders that make the event happen is infectious. Here are thousands of people (there were over 4,000 riders alone) that freely donate their precious time, money, and energy to support a worthy cause. What better way to spend a Sunday than getting up at 4am with love in your heart and a passionate commitment to a cause bigger than yourself.

Love and Legacy
The powerful question at the heart of the bike-a-thon is “Who Are You Riding For?” Each rider, in his or her own way, paid tribute to loved ones they have lost or know who are battling and surviving cancer. I love to read the formal and informal tributes along the route. From people holding signs and cheering along the roadway to riders with written and pictorial tributes on their bike or jersey, I am always moved by the moment.

Support
The support teams on the roads and at the rest stops are great. The authorities and volunteers work together to make the day as enjoyable and as safe as possible. Families and friends come together to encourage one another on the bike or at the finish. Strangers shout words of encouragement to the riders who make the $1.6 million fundraising goal reality and pedal rain or shine in the heat of July.

Commitment
It takes commitment on the part of the riders to train for and complete the ride. Whether the person’s stretch goal is a shorter route of 30 -45 miles, the century (100 miles), or the traditional 63 miles (a metric century), it is the character, commitment, and perseverance that makes it a reality.

Honoring Yourself
It takes a village to put on this event and get the riders from Point A to Point B. I even had my own built in support team (for which I am mega-grateful) in my partner who selflessly gets up at 4am and sacrifices her Sunday so she can chauffer me around and cheer me on. However, it is strong belief in oneself that is most critical for success. You can’t rely on others to validate you, make decisions for you, or be responsible for your safety and well-being. Only YOU can make yourself feel worthy (which you inherently are!), take action, and make choices that honor your highest potential and best interests.

Enjoy the photos… and ask yourself, “How can I be of service?” Helping others doesn’t have to be a chore. Find an activity or role that turns you on and give back every now and then. It is guaranteed to:

• energize you
• put your life in perspective
• help your karma because what goes around comes around and you never know when you may need the support of others
• break you out of your rut and routine (a good cure for burnout, I might add)
• Just plain feel good

Fast Company Magazine has a recent article by this title that begs the answer to the question is, quite literally “yes”!

A study of 6,000 British male office workers over a four-year period, published recently in the Archives of Internal Medicine, found that employees who felt their supervisors treated them fairly had a 30 percent lower risk of heart disease, which is the leading cause of death in the industrialized world. Put another way, caustic, abrasive, and overbearing bosses just might be taking years off their employees’ lives.

Funny how this study concludes something anyone who ever had a boss knows. If you get a long with your boss and they treat you fairly, it makes work life a hell of a lot less stressful. Now, why the study was limited to men, I don’t know. But, for women with the need to please, having a riff with a crappy boss ranks high on the stress and burnout list. I can personally attest to knowing there is a world of difference doing the same exact job but for two different bosses. The idiot can make you want to lose your mind as your health declines while the fair boss can make going to work bearable or even wonderful.

The article goes on to talk about a program at the University of Michigan’s Cardiovascular Executive Health Program that is designed to help patients employ simple techniques on a regular, daily basis to reduce stress and manage the anxiety that comes with high pressure positions. What cracks me up most about this high brow study is that none of these techniques are rocket science. Closing your eyes and visualizing a “happy place” is not exactly the next big cutting edge technique. What I DO know for sure is that simple techniques are our best defense against any of the stress that life throws our way whether it comes from a boss, our partner, or Mother Nature. The challenge is getting people to actually practice the techniques regularly so they become habit and are readily available to tap into when that next big stressful moment shows up.

The key takeaway from the article as I see it is that only YOU have the power to choose how you respond. Only YOU can make the commitment to yourself to employ healthy habits that increase your well-being at all times, whether you have a crappy boss or not and even if that boss is YOU because you’re self-employed. You don’t have to retreat to a mountaintop for hours each morning to benefit either. Some simply habits you can build into each day include:

• Taking a few minutes of silence alone each morning or evening for reflection, prayer, or meditation. It only takes 5-15 minutes to make a huge difference.
• Take frequent, short breaks. Athletes take recovery time, timeouts, and half-time to rest and rejuvenate. You need to also. Even getting up from your desk for 5-10 minutes ever hour or so to walk around the office or around the block can do wonders for your mind, energy level, and body.
• Visualize what you want, not what you don’t want. Your mind can only “see” what you feed it. You need to look where you want to go, not where you don’t want to go. That holds true not only for long-term visioning but for quick personal interactions as well.
• Close your eyes and visualize a place you enjoy. Take a quick mental vacation to your favorite spot and revel in the memories and experience of that place for 2-5 minutes. It is the next best thing to being there.
• Honor and listen to your thoughts and your body. Whether you journal, practice walking meditation, or simply make a list of things you acknowledge yourself for and are grateful for, it builds your confidence and self-esteem so stressful events are easier to navigate.
• Fuel your body with real food. I’m not against splurging and enjoying the finer things in life, but overall if you don’t fuel your body with energy rich, whole foods, it’s akin to putting milk in your car’s gas tank and hoping it’ll run.
• Move your body. I admit I love to exercise. Not everyone does. Find some form of moving your body that is fun and works for you. If you love sports - play, if you like to dance - boogey on down a few times a week, if you love the earth - garden till you perspire. Nike has it right when they say “Just Do It”.

I’ve been watching the post counter creep upward lately and am excited to celebrate this Friday by saying…welcome to my 100th post at Coaching for Lesbians!

When I started this blog back in January, I wondered what I would write about week in and week out and feared my ideas and creativity would fizzle after a few months. After all, what writer doesn’t get self-critical and wonder that?? Well, I’m pleased to say I’m going strong and only wish I could get to all the scribble notes I have of topics I’m dying to post about.

Another reason I wanted to celebrate the 100th post is like most other superachieving women, I tend to forge forward without stopping to really acknowledge the milestones along the way. If you’ve even been goal driven with big plans for the future, you might relate. The “A” on a test meant nothing because your sights were set on an “A” for the class. The “A” in the class didn’t matter because you were concerned about your GPA for the semester, and so on. Suddenly one day you wake up and wonder - did I accomplish anything at all? When, in fact, a trail of successes is yours but you never took the time to say - “hurray for me!” and drink in a sense of accomplishment and self-satisfaction.

Let’s face it, we always have dreams and plans for the future and it will be here soon enough. In the meanwhile, remember to not only stop and smell the roses but celebrate yourself. You deserve it!

Let’s face it, if you don’t have your health, all the self-help and success secrets in the world will feel hollow and empty. While no one has a magic wand to make you immune to any possible illness, disease, or injury, one of the most important pieces of the pie when it comes to success and living a full life is health and well being. That encompasses everything from your emotional and spiritual practices to the practical steps of heading to a doctor or alternative care practitioner regularly for routine care of your physical well being. You take your car for regular maintenance, it is the LEAST you can do for yourself. For busy, successful, and overachieving women, this step often gets overlooked until something is wrong and we breakdown or burnout. As lesbians, we have another excuse for avoiding it because of the fear associated with coming out to your health care provider.

A recent post by Denise on Blogher about GLBT Health reminded me of just how lucky I have been in my own healthcare dealings. I have been out to all my physicians for years and in many cases, my partner and I use the same doctors, chiropractors, dentists, etc. I have never encountered any negative reactions or limitations of service because of who I am. When I read articles about women being denied tests, experiencing harrassment at hospitals, or getting nothing but grief and bigoted reactions in an emergency situation I am always appalled. That’s why it is always a good thing to have some resources in your back pocket to not only feel more confident in your dealings with your healthcare provider but also to have some support if you encounter homophobia or discrimination.

A few months ago I received a set of resources and tools in my inbox from the HRC which helps you through coming out to your healthcare provider. The press release and links to those resources can be found on their website here.

Through Denise’s article I was introduced to the Gay & Lesbian Medical Association which I hadn’t really known about. If you’re looking for a “family” friendly physician they have a referral database.

The bottom line is that it is your right to have equal and open access to your healthcare providers. They can only serve you well to the extent that you are totally honest with them. That means coming out is imperative. While it may be scary, the truth is that if you have a provider who isn’t comfortable with that news, he or she is not the right professional for you. Go shopping around for one that is because you must be your #1 advocate when it comes to your health and well-being.