The recent terrorist plots involving airliners is indeed scary, but certainly not surprising to anyone who has been awake to the current climate in the world over the last few years. And, while I am 110% and then some for safety and feeling secure when I travel by air, I have to wonder about the latest set of band aid, panic driven, reactive solutions the transportation authorities have put into effect. Do they really make us any safer? Or, are the people in charge who are truly good hearted and safety conscious simply at a loss (or have their hands tied) at what to do to REALLY make a change for the better? It makes me wonder when we’re so busy confiscating people’s toothpaste, eye drops, and water to notice a 12 year old boy passing through security and boarding a plane without any passport, ticket or boarding pass .

Like it or not, we’re stuck with the rules if we want to take to the skies to get where we’re going. While I am far from a frequent traveler, I do love to travel and am leaving for Calgary, Alberta in just a few weeks to go play in Banff and Jasper National Parks. I’m a nervous and impatient flyer under the best circumstances, so these new restrictions have me irritated and stressed out. How do I best handle my carry-on stuff and take care of my needs now that the authorities have made it incredibly difficult to do so. I’m an avid photographer (check out http://www.paulagphotography.com to see some of my work) and never check camera equipment. I’m also very diligent about taking care of my body and comfort when I fly so I don’t get sick. It behooves me that the same bunch of authorities that preach — hydrate when you fly, use eye and nose drops to keep things moist to avoid colds and other nasty flight related health problems (think- the whole deep vein thrombosis thing) – are now making it bloody difficult to do that. Unless of course you’ve found yourself powdered water and eye drops at the local REI, at which time let me know.

That being said I am still totally committed to not only enjoying my trip but staying healthy and relatively sane during the “en route” travel days. Here are my top tips for taking care of your own needs and staying calm in this inconvenient travel environment.

1) Hydrate Anyway

While you can’t pack your own water, you can drink like a fish in the airport and request plentiful amounts of water from the flight staff. In my opinion, the airlines damn well better be prepared to handle additional requests for water and beverages while in the air since no one can bring along anything. As I keep saying at home — I will be the queen of the “ringy-dingy” call button asking for water since I am used to downing at least one 32 oz. Nalgene bottle of my own on cross country flights. You are responsible for your own well-being, so don’t be shy to ask for what you need. Just remember to be respectful as most people who work the flight staff truly do want to help you (the small percentage that are bitchy and unhelpful, simply avoid them).

2) Plan for Delays, Long Lines, and Aggravated People

Whenever I drive the expressway into Philadelphia I get ticked off when the traffic is backed up. I don’t know why since it is rare (except at say 5am on a Saturday) that it is NOT backed up. You can count on a mob scene, long lines, rude, and irritated people when you hit the airport. Don’t fool yourself into believing it’ll be a cakewalk like flying circa 1980. That being said, do whatever you need to do to distract, calm, or otherwise amuse yourself during this part of the journey. You can’t change it, but you can change your approach to it. Make the best of the situation and never, ever mouth off to anyone in the airport, or we’ll be watching your face on CNN and your name whizzing by on the crawl.

3) Know Before You Go
While the list of prohibited items is a moving target, it helps to review the list before you head out. The latest is at the TSA website. The anal person in me wants to print this out and take it with me in case I get questioned about items not on this list. Of course, some of the language on these regulations is a scream. I never realized gel bras were a threat to national security. And, to hell with you little citizens with medical needs, it’s not convenient for the TSA to cater to you, but please, fly the “friendly skies”. Welcome to big brother and the invasive land of security. Travel light, and take all precautions you need to take care of your belongings and your own well-being.

3) Breathe

And then, breathe some more. It is amazing what deep breathing can do to keep you calm, centered, and out of a full fledged panic attack or rage. Not breathing isn’t going to help you get through security any faster and certainly isn’t going to make you feel any better. Do your best to stay in the moment knowing “this too shall pass.”

4) Keep It in Perspective

Especially if you are traveling for pleasure, keep things in perspective. You’re choosing to travel by air (of course I’d need a month’s vacation to drive 3,000 miles, so my choices are limited!). As long as you stay safe and sound, the hassle is worth it. While I’m not convinced the current measures make things any safer than before, you simply have to trust and believe that all will be well. Even with all the terrorist hub bub, it is still safer to fly than drive the expressway to work.

5) Focus with the End in Mind

This is easiest done if you’re on a trip for pleasure. Visualize the great time you’re going to have at your destination. Tap into all the great things you are going to do and see that pumped you up about traveling in the first place. I know I will be visualizing paddling on Maligne Lake or hiking in the Canadian Rockies or splurging on fine dining. Even if you’re traveling for business, focus on the objectives of your trip and how you can make it most meaningful and successful. If you’re a nonstop road warrior, I don’t have a great deal of advice for you. My guess is you’re pretty used to the routine and either a) love the lifestyle or b) are putting up with it for a finite time to achieve another goal. (If your answer is neither a nor b, maybe you need to consider a career change.) While I am all about enjoying the journey, when it comes to air travel, in my opinion, it is just a means to an end (getting there).

If you’re traveling – good luck and stay calm. I’ll let you know if I have any earth shattering insights after my trip.

Any frequent travelers or road warriors out there who have advice, comments, or experiences to share, please post a comment. I’d love to hear from you.

On Wednesday I got the chance to see Melissa Etheridge rock the house at Bethlehem Musikfest. This was my first chance to see her live in a few years and she not only rocks as hard as ever since her recovery from breast cancer, but has become even more personable and at ease on stage. Her passion for the music, speaking her truth, and encouraging her fans to live authentically is unsurpassed. Personally, I’d like to bottle her energy and her ability to play bar chords nonstop for hours on end.

As she wrapped up the show she took the time to drive home the message:

Speak your truth and be proud. Anything less is living a lie and life is too short to live someone else’s life.

It is quite powerful life lesson to wrap your head around at 11pm after a night of rock and roll (especially for people like me who are up past their bedtime!), but one that Melissa has championed and modeled in her life since the early days when I first became a fan. As someone who has worked her way up from nowhere in the music industry, trail blazed a path for other women musicians, championed gay rights by being transparent about her personal life, and traveled the road from diagnosis to treatment to breast cancer survivor to cancer advocate, she has a lot of wisdom to impart to the rest of us.

What I loved most about the concert was noticing the shift in Melissa’s demeanor since several years ago. She has always been grateful for her fans, a willing conversationalist with the audience, and a champion of being authentic. She has always over delivered in terms of performance, heart, and passion on stage. What I noticed this time, though, was a softness, gratitude, and love for life that just poured from her even when she wasn’t saying a thing. You could tell she sincerely wanted nothing but the best for her audience as well. On more than one occasion she encouraged us to not settle for anything but “good love” — the kind that builds you up, honors you for who you are, and is there through thick and thin. She also made the point that this “good love” starts with self-love - honoring and being good to you. While her delivery was lighthearted and playful, the message was strong.

Do you speak true and stand tall & proud? If you take a look at your life and surroundings, are you living your life or compromising (a little or a lot) trying to be something you’re not?

Post some thoughts below in the comments about ways you speak true and stand proud, challenges you face doing so, or instances where you wish you would have, but didn’t.

Here’s to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The trouble-makers. The round heads in the square holes. The ones who see things differently. They’re not fond of rules, and they have no respect for the status-quo. You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify, or vilify them. But the only thing you can’t do is ignore them. Because they change things. They push the human race forward. And while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do.- Apple Computers’ “Think Different” Advertisement

I saw this quote in my inbox today and it put an inspiring slant on the feelings we often have as lesbians in the world at large — not fitting in. And let’s face it, regardless of who you are, even if you find a great community where you do fit in, there is always somewhere you won’t. And, that’s OK! If everyone agreed and was alike, how boring would that be?! It’d just be some other sad Stepford Wife tale.

Where in your life do you feel like you don’t fit in? And, what do you do about it? Do you shy away from people, places, and opportunities that you yearn to be a part of because you fear being different or not being accepted? Do you dance around who you really are because you’re afraid if you are honest they will reject you? Do you shrink into your own cocoon because it is safer to hide than to stand tall, speak your truth, and be proud of who you really are?

Imagine if some of the most powerful women we know did that. How much poorer our community would be if:

• Judy Dlugacz shied away from chartering her first ship because she was afraid to rock the boat (ok, I just couldn’t resist, and no pun intended).
• Melissa Etheridge or kd Lang stayed in the closet because they were afraid of what the record execs might think.
• Ellen Degeneres didn’t take the risk of a lifetime and come out on national tv.
• Ilene Chaiken gave up because she figured nobody would finance or watch a prime time lesbian drama.
• Powerful straight actresses like Jennifer Beals or Laurel Holloman were afraid to be typecast if they were to embrace playing passionate lesbian roles.
• Barbara Jordan believed political life and being a lesbian didn’t mix and decided not to run for the Texas Senate.

The examples are many…

What if you decided today to embrace your own craziness, speak your truth, and embark on changing the world? What would tomorrow look like then?

All great change starts from the inside out. We must first believe in ourselves by embracing the totality of who we are and march forward in life from a place of personal power.

Amidst all my carnival hosting, I almost forgot to mention that the Personal Development Carnival (a fairly new carnival) is up at Creating a Better Life. I am featured in this edition along with a long list of food for thought contributed by 28 authors.

Head on over for some personal development reading and show the authors some love by visiting their blogs and leaving comments on ones that strike a chord with you.

It was not long after I launched this blog in January that I learned about blog carnivals in general, and The Carnival of Bent Attractions specifically. True to my nature, I threw my hat in the ring to host the carnival before I even knew what I was doing. Lo and behold, here we are in August already and it’s my turn to host the party! So let’s move on to the buffet…

I am lucky enough to point readers to a post, more specifically an image that beautifully depicts the seasons of change and personal growth I talk about on this blog each week. Artist by the name of Stephanie Robinson talks about her personal journey of this piece at her post Seasons of the Soul . She shared in her carnival submission that she created this lithograph as part of her coming-out process.

Fashion Without Limits by Starling David Hunter is a humorous look at what the French marketing & style consultants are saying about fashion. I must say part of this is a touch scary - who is making up the new definitions of masculinity? They don’t live anywhere near me, that is for certain! I don’t see your average straight man running out to embrace being a “hybrid man” anytime soon.

I do confess to being a big Queercents fan. I look forward to their posts everyday. And, this month’s carnival gets to enjoy several thought-provoking contributions from these ladies.

Ah, there is nothing quite like that New Car Smell. What is it really costing you in the long run to indulge your olfactory sensors? Is it better to buy and hold, lease, or somewhere in between? And, how do you handle these questions when your partner is addicted to the new car smell? Nina at Queercents gives us the dollars and cents around these car buying decisions and more.

Meanwhile, Dawn at Queercents shares her thoughts on “Thoughtful Living” in Frugal By Any Other Name. Her two points on thoughtful living hit the nail on the head. The thoughts she shares are right in line with the message I am passionate about. Intentional living is a key to not only being a success but more importantly to abundance — feeling rich and full about your life, the way you live it, and the impact you have on the world at large.

In the Queercents ongoing conversation about money & relationships in the Money & Mates series, this time you can catch them as they interview Gary and Mark in Southern California.

I Guess Gay Doesn’t Mean Happy is just a joy to read. I love Sfrajett’s City’s style of writing as she captures the moment and her thoughts as she endures the opening ceremonies of the Gay Games. She sums the long, drawn out ordeal (and let’s remember it was like 100 degrees this day in Chicago as well) when she says:

Gays were the people responsible for the best entertainment and cultural production of the twentieth century, and THIS was the best we could do?

Her question: “Why does every gay event have to look like every other gay event? Is an athletic event the same as a Pride March which is like a protest which becomes Take Back the Night?” REALLY hits home for me. More and more I find myself skipping certain community events I feel I should be attending only because I dread experiencing a re-run of a previous blase memory from years past. We have awesome women & men in our communities … so let’s take it up a notch!

Keeping with the Gay Games theme, I wanted to add a post I read about the opening ceremonies. Over at Andymatic, Gay Games VII in Chicago Opening Ceremonies he captures much of the same sentiments as Sfrajett’s City. The insight that kept resonating with me is his summary:

Summary: one person walking across a football field holding his national flag is all the opening ceremony you need.

The summary is referring to the impact of one man from Uganda carrying his country’s flag across the field and how that moment most captured the spirit of the games. Just imagine, no one would’ve melted to their chairs or felt like they were watching back to back showings of Dr. Zhivago if this sort of powerful brevity were employed.

Part of the reason I love blog carnivals so much is that it opens me up to reading posts I would never have read otherwise. The War of Words by Jon Swift is an interesting look at the insane way government and people mince words. I can’t figure out from Jon’s writing style if he is ultra sarcastic (at which time the piece is a great look at the insanity of all this) or if there’s a part of him that agrees with wordsmithing as an agenda. Regardless, it is an intelligently written look at the current War of Words at play in the U.S. I personally like the part where the word “gay” gets redefined in the Constitution to only mean “happy”.

Jon shares his way with words in a second post called Don’t Act, Don’t Trill: Thespians in the Military. This is a very funny look at the lunacy of the Don’t Ask/Don’t Tell policy of the military. And, who knew that community theater actors were such a threat to the safety of the United States?! Read on to put all the p’s and q’s together.

A cross over the pond to the UK brings us the post from the f word - Lesbian Couple Denied Right to Have Their Marriage Recognised in UK. Another bewildering moment in human history as the powers that be negate the values and commitments of committed adults.

I wanted to throw my own hat in the ring with my recent Safe is the New Risky post. As someone who has been somewhat risk-averse much of my life (adventure sports notwithstanding), I find myself reconsidering what it means to be safe or secure. I also point out one of the common misconceptions of taking a risk — it doesn’t have to be like jumping out of a plane. Sometimes the risk to simply be yourself is all it takes to reap a harvest of benefits.

X-men and the Axeman is a lengthy discussion written by Carlos Rojas about a common theme in the otherwise dissimilar movies Robert Altman’s A Prairie Home Companion and Brett Ratner’s X-Men: The Last Stand. One most catching paragraph in his post is:

The “extinction” which both of these communities face, therefore, is not the literal death of its members (though both films do feature several prominent deaths of individual characters), but rather the systematic erasure of the mark of difference which distinguishes these communities from the larger, “normal” world they inhabit.

Later in the article, Carlos draws some thought provoking distinctions between the challenges these mutant communities face and those the queer communities face in the world at large.

All things boil down to illusion. In Spirituality of Transexuality , Jay Sennett takes some solace in a Tibetan tale as he grapples with the paradox of living everday as a transexual. A short, but worthy read, the essence of which can easily be extrapolated to any personal challenge.

The Spicy Cauldron at A Delicate Boy blogs about the recent media frenzy in Mel Gibson: I’m sorry (again) . With a track record like this, who needs to apologize? It is just a bunch of inauthentic posturing. Andy makes the case with details and opinions on Mel’s penchant for prejudice and preaching.

A classic poem by Pat Parker called : For The Straight Folks Who Don’t Mind Gays But Wish They Weren’t So Blatant can be found by Ampersand at the blog Alas. When I first heard this poem read live years ago I thought it was very powerful. The little things that our straight counterparts take for granted are the very things that make me passionate about supporting women to live proudly.

Required Reading: “Am I Married?” by Denise Brogan at Transcending Gender poses the question “when is a man a man and when is a woman a woman?” In this extremely informative report, Denise Brogan grapples with the issues of being able to marry her partner in Canada, yet not have it be recognized in the U.S. all while the underlying definition of gender clouds the already muddy argument because she is transgendered. What is really the definitive guide to gender? The medical model? How a person identifies? The stereotypes of the collective?

Whew! Quite a roundup of prolific posts. Please visit our contributor’s blog sites and participate in the bigger conversation by commenting where you feel inspired to.

Next month’s carnival will be hosted at A Delicate Boy . Go here to contribute your articles.