As I was walking out of the mall at lunch today it dawned on me that our individual quirks can hold clues about who we are and help unlock secrets to overcoming obstacles in our path. How did I get all this wisdom from one little trip to buy new underwear you might ask?

First let me say that while I’m not a big clothes person, I do manage to look presentable and professional except when I’m slumming at the house or out on one of my adventures (at which time I’m decked out in gear for the occasion). I’d describe my wardrobe as classic, not too flashy or trendy, and neat/tidy. Growing up I didn’t dare look like something the cat dragged in unless I was playing in our own yard and that appearance ethic has stuck with me.

So, why is it that I have such resistance to going out and purchasing new underwear? Read the rest of this entry »

I have to admit that I know nothing about being a Mom (other than being one to my two cats but somehow I think that is different…) and I’m not even particularly good with kids. The closest I’ve come to having an attachment to little people is the bond my partner and I have formed with our neighbor’s very cool 10 year old son. While he definitely hits it off with my partner Kim best (she’s a dog and kid magnet) he actually speaks to me and I think actually likes me on some level. He shows up on my birthday with homemade cards and hugs. Can’t beat that! It is a totally new experience for me. We love to spoil him, enjoy his company, and then when we’re kid-ed out, send him home. However, I know many of you out there are Moms and raising kids (or attempting to conceive kids). Some of you have a partner to share the journey with and others are going it solo. For you I give you a round of cheers and want to point you to a resources I recently learned about.

Today, Queercents ran an interview with Dana Rudolph (the founder and voice behind Mombian) as part of their Ten Money Questions series. After reading the article and checking out the Mombian site, I was compelled to point you toward this resource. Why?

Well, I wholeheartedly believe that we all need the right support at the right time to live fulfilling and successful lives. For Moms, especially stay at home Moms, support from like minded adults can mean the difference between thriving and having their brains turn to mush. I can imagine the transition from career or academic achiever to lesbian Mom home staying home and singing Barney tunes is a tremendous adjustment. You owe it to yourself and your kids to not only take great care of yourself but also to connect with and learn from other talented and intelligent lesbians.

One small way you can do that is to check out the resources and engage in the conversation over at Mombiam.

Are you paid what you’re worth? Do you believe you deserve more money for the job you do? Are you making a job change and want the money to be as lucrative as possible in your new position? If so, you need to ask for the money!

I don’t know about you but negotiating salary and asking for money has never been my strong point. In the past I was never bold enough to really ask for what I felt I deserved. That being said, overall, the salaries I was offered were competitive so it wasn’t that big of a deal. Yet, if I were a man, perhaps I would’ve asked for more and received it which would’ve compounded my earning power over time.

Tory Johnson, CEO of Women For Hire and the official workplace contributor on ABC’s Good Morning America has written a third career book for women called “Take this Book to Work: How to Ask for (and Get) Money, Fulfillment and Advancement” . In it, she tackles the how-to’s in asking for (and receiving) more money. Here’s a startling fact from a recent advice column on their site:

“Men are four times more likely than women to negotiate the first offer, thus they accumulate an average of a half-million dollars more in their paychecks by age 60. Whether by nature or by nurture, many women shy away from negotiating salary. We assume that if we jump into the job, pull up our sleeves, and get down to business, someone will notice us and reward us accordingly. Rarely does that happen, and so you wind up cheating yourself out of money by not asking for it. ”
A New Book from Women For Hire
Tory Johnson, CEO of Women For Hire and the official workplace contributor on ABC’s Good Morning America

This statement is pretty hard hitting if you consider it from the lesbian demographic as a whole. After all, we are all women! This alone could account for a large portion of the shortfall in purchasing power when you compare gay men to lesbians. A recent article in the San Francisco Chronicle states:

The average California lesbian couple’s household income is $65,000, compared to $73,600 for gay men, according to census data.

While I haven’t poured over the census, I would suspect this is fairly consistent across the US. As a result, while we may outearn our straight counterparts, we still lag behind the male population.

So, don’t let fear stand in your way to increasing your earning power. Take a peek at the book and arm yourself with the tools and knowledge to ask for the money you deserve.

While Stephen Covey may have cornered the market with his breakthrough tome “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People”, after my recent trip to the Canadian Rockies I believe the animal kingdom can offer us even more wisdom. Forget the theory that just because humans have opposing thumbs that they sit at the top of the pyramid of wisdom. One only needs to look as far as the state of affairs of wildlife management, environmental issues, and the pace of life in general to know that while we may be smart and innovative, sometimes we’re missing the back to basic mentality that can truly help us thrive and enjoy our lives while we do it.

When I wasn’t spending time obsessing about the fact that the bear population was out in full force because it was prime berry season in the Banff and Jasper areas, I really tuned into the amazing wildlife we were seeing. What did these magnificent creatures have to teach us? Well, this is what I found.

Read more of this article from my most recent newsletter…

Is there a goal you really want to achieve? Something you really want? If so, are you 100% committed and focused on the goal or is there a wishy-washy factor in there? You know the drill — you keep moving forward toward your goal but never seem to get there for whatever reason or you simply give up and resign yourself to the way things are and lament the fact that you won’t reach your goal. Perhaps it’s because your belief and commitment is not where it needs to be.

A little while ago I was talking to a manager at my day job about my life and business coaching business. She shared a number of her opinions on entrepreneurship and building a business because she is experiencing something similar as her husband starts a new career as part of a multi-level marketing business. While we talked she illustrated her theory on why people succeed or fail then it comes to building a business. It has to do with the commitment factor.

Here’s the premise. If you are somewhat less than 100% committed to your goal, you are likely to fail because at some point you will encounter an obstacle that is bigger than your commitment. Look at the graph below to see what I mean.

Let’s say you’re only 70% committed to your goal. Fear, doubt, and a less than passionate belief have you wondering if it is really possible to reach your goal. So, while you take action along the way, you’re commitment factor only peaks at 70%. That is fine if your daily obstacles are less strong than your commitment. Perhaps you hit a few 30% or 50% strength obstacles. That is OK; you can cruise right over them because your commitment is stronger. BUT, along comes a whopper of an obstacle that weighs in around 80% or 90% strength. BAM, you hit a brick wall and fail or give up because your commitment isn’t strong enough to keep you going in the face of this obstacle.

On the flip side, let’s assume you are 100% committed to your goal. You are jazzed up, pumped up, and energized every day about working toward your desire. In your mind absolutely nothing can stop you (and, what you believe you achieve so nothing WILL). Check out how different this graph looks.

Now you’re 100% committed to your goal and it makes all the difference. Just like in the first example, when you hit obstacles that are minor you sail right over them, this time with even more ease. However, the key difference in this scenario is that when you hit an obstacle that is 100% (as strong as they come) you don’t hit the wall. You move along side by side with this obstacle for however long it takes. You take the actions necessary to persevere. At some point your fortitude prevails and the obstacles lose strength allowing you to continue on and reach your goal despite formidable kinks along the way.

If you REALLY want something yet it remains elusive, ask yourself these questions:

• Do I possess an unshakeable belief in myself?
• Am I 100% committed to my goal or am I wavering at something less than full strength?
• What kind of person would I need to be to persevere regardless of the obstacles I may face?