Note: A few weeks ago, I wrote this article for Queercents. I liked it so much I wanted to publish it here as well. I’ve continued reading the book and am almost finished. I can say that it is an incredible book for taking a deep and hard look at your mental attitudes toward money. While I may be nearing the end of the book in terms of pages, the exploration of my attitudes and behaviors will continue. One of the most eye-opening books I’ve ever read about money and the idea of what really constitutes “enough”.

In my search for some nourishing reading in terms of money and finances, I was led to a book that has been on my list to read for ages, The Soul of Money by Lynne Twist. Many of my coaching colleagues have raved about it and I’ve read bits and pieces about it over the last few years. Yet, something called to me to pick it up and read it right now as I navigate the transition of job loss to self-employment and whatever incarnations my life takes in between. As they say, when the student is ready, the teacher appears. This book is a great teacher so far and I’m only up to page 103.

The subtitle of the book is “Transforming Your Relationship with Money and Life”. It is an intriguing title because I am in the middle of transforming my relationship with money and career as I have been working with my dear colleague and fellow Integrative Coach Rosemary Redmond. She has been leading me through the powerful 16 week Spiritual Divorce coaching program developed by our common teacher and mentor Debbie Ford. While originally developed to help couples through a divorce or breakup, this powerful process can help anyone heal and transform their relationship with anyone or anything. For me it is the “right thing at the right time” and I didn’t even know it when I started the program back in March. Who would’ve thought that as I shifted inside the world would line up to hand me situations like losing my day job to throw me forward with more velocity than I ever would’ve mustered on my own. (As a side note, I might add that one of Rosemary’s specialties is working with the LGBT community using the Spiritual Divorce work so if you want to use a breakup as a catalyst for something great in your life, she is the one to call.)

Back to the book…

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This past weekend my partner Kim and I had the opportunity to attend a workshop at Kripalu entitled “Beyond Words: Poetry and Music as Passion, Prayer, and Practice” led by Jami Sieber and Kim Rosen. All I can say is that I was totally blown away by the weekend and let me tell you why.

If you’ve been reading along the blog or my newsletters, you know that the last 5 weeks have been “full” (to say the least) between the family medical emergencies, getting laid off, and learning our very best friends were breaking up, it has been a roller coaster of emotions and practicalities all trying to occupy the same space. Back in June before we went on our awesome little Maine adventure, I received one of those little schedule update emails from one of my favorite musicians Jami Sieber. It had details on this workshop being held in August at Kripalu. Now, I hadn’t seen Jami perform live since way back in circa 1994 when she toured with Ferron and I had never even heard of Kim Rosen, but I just knew that this workshop was “the one” I had hoped would appear in my life in 2007, so we took the plunge and “just booked it” as they say.

I didn’t give it much more thought until earlier last week when I met with Susan Rangitsch (who ran the January “Radical Aliveness” retreat that turned my world upside down). We were talking about my irritation with having to still go to work for a few more weeks (even though I’ve been laid off) and my general anger and uncertainty around how I am going to use this event in my life to make it the best thing that ever happened to me and create the business and career of my dreams instead of more of the same (daily corporate dread). In true fashion she listened to me talk on and on and then simply looked me in the eye and informed me that this whole transition is simply rattling me to the core. She challenged me to do something that would allow me to feel the depths of my emotions and truly mark this transition in my life. I spent the week wondering what exactly I might want that to look like following my last day at work and then also entertained the notion that this upcoming weekend workshop was supposed to play a role. And, was I right -these three days cracked me open, allowed me to feel deeply, and have added clarity to my path. Read the rest of this entry »

Over the last few weeks I have really had a great time connecting and re-connecting with great people in my life. It is funny but I used to think that connecting with others had to look a certain way. It had to be a quantity thing or a close proximity thing or even a shared circumstance situation. Yet, what I’ve really been learning over the last few years is that none of these need be true to have a true connection. Time, space, distance, or shared circumstances need not apply.

Last month, I had the distinct pleasure of meeting one of my coaches who I worked with for about 2 years. I first found Leah Grant when she was an instructor of mine at Coach U. The experience she brought to the table and our connection sealed the deal and I ended up working with her one on one around the area of my business. In fact I am still working with her as I prepare for my ACC certification through the International Coach Federation. Long story short, she was in the Philadelphia area for a scrapbooking conference (yes she is a crazy multi-talented one just like I am - check out her Stylish Scrapper site) and we met for dinner at a local mexican restaurant.

For anyone who doubts the ability to truly connect with someone via telephone (which is how I both coach my clients and work with my own coaches) all I can say is you don’t know until you try it. When we met in person we connected and found each other instantly in the bar waiting area. My experience has been that energetically it is just a match whether you’re in person or over the telephone. We spent the night eating, hanging out, catching up, and sharing a lot of laughs over a few margaritas. (Note: I was planning a great picture to share and post on the blog, but the digital photo our waiter took is truly awful. The lighting, angle, and background make us look tremendously blurry and downright fun-house scary. Bummer!) Read the rest of this entry »

The whole balance thing is always in the news. Work-life balance, balanced living, strike a balance between family and self…it has almost become a meaningless buzzword. Yet, if you ask most people, they yearn for more balance. By that they mean more time for things that matter and less time chasing and seeking. Some people simply want to get a little sleep and down time and they’d call that a wild improvement in balance. Others are so stressed trying to figure out how to have everything be neatly and exactly sliced like a perfect store-bought pie that they feel like failures when it comes to balance if everything is not perfect.

Well, I’m here to tell you that balance in this “exactly proportional” way is impossible. Unless you’re living the life of a Stepford Wife, this illusion of perfection is just that - an illusion. (Of course anyone who looked beyond the surface knew that the whole Stepford Wife thing was far from perfection and in there lays the irony of it all.) There’s a new kind of balance that can leave you feeling great about all areas of your life and it doesn’t look at all like what you might think.

Let’s look at a great example of balance that illustrates the power of this new kind of balance I am referring to. Let’s start with my favorite - athletics. When you think of a highly trained athlete you don’t think of a balanced life. And, in fact I’d guess most elite athletes do put their sport above all else in their life because of the sheer commitment required. Yet, in their training routine is a hidden lesson that the rest of us can apply to the full spectrum of our life with great results. Read the rest of this entry »

Holding the space is a term that gets thrown around in circles of coaches, spiritual groups, and other personal growth type arenas. When I first started in this profession I wasn’t totally sure what it “really” meant but I knew it was important. The more time passes the more I realize how important it is in any relationship, period.

Let me explain. What I mean by holding the space is that when you connect with another person/group you allow each person to have their own experience. You don’t project your crap, opinions, judgments, advice, or other personal stuff onto their experience. Instead, you show up for that person in a loving and compassionate way and allow them to have their experience in its fullest. The good, bad, and ugly emotions as they journey through whatever the situation is. You don’t try to “fix it” or “make it better” you just allow it to be. The only way you can do this effectively is if you are truly comfortable in your own skin. Otherwise, the need to put your $.02 in and control the situation and get absorbed in the drama of the situation is too great. Not to mention if we care about the other person and realize change is afoot we can instantly get sucked into the “how does that impact me? what about me?” cycle. Now I’m not saying you don’t need to look at your own emotions and how other relationships affect you, of course you do! What I’m saying is it requires a little self management to be able to put that aside until you can do it in a healthy way that doesn’t take away from the other person’s experience of the situation. Otherwise you can get stuck in a weird cycle of apology and victim/rescuer role playing as each person feels just a little more affected by the other.

It is not the easiest thing to do at times, Read the rest of this entry »