We each carry around limiting beliefs and a suitcase of excuses that we use to get in our own way and stop us from living our wildest dreams. We say things like “be realistic”, “it can’t happen”, or “that would be impossible” and then we go back to living in our comfort zone severely limiting what is possible for us.
I am not someone who watches much television, but this week I was riveted to the screen to see Marlee Matlin make her debut on Dancing with the Stars. Think it is impossible for a profoundly deaf woman to compete in a slick ballroom dancing competition in front of millions of people? Think again my friend. This woman showed up with her personality larger than life, took the dance floor, and not only did OK, totally wowed the crowd and the judges. She was absolutely amazing and inspiring. I was on the edge of my couch late in the evening pumping my fists in the air and hooting and hollering. You would’ve thought I was deep in my March Madness mode not watching ballroom dancing.
It was one of the most courageous and life affirming moments I have watched. In one passionate, sexy, cha-cha she proved once again that there are no limits to what a deaf person can do.
It is not without irony that the same week that Marlee appears on Dancing with the Stars her character Jodi breaks up with Bette on The L Word. In a pivotal moment Bette says the following words to Jodi: “I love who you are, I love how you stand in the world. I love your talent, I love your passion, and I love your anger.”
By Paula ( March 25, 2008 ) · Filed under The L Word
Hard to believe another season of The L Word has come and gone. I can still remember the Season 1 Finale when friends and I made these crazy season ending game boards where we created a chart look alike with possible plot lines. We even had a game piece spinner type thing my partner made with all the characters glued on it — we were spinning it and wondering who might die in the finale (too many soap operas as a child I guess). Anyway it was fun times, and this year while much quieter viewing for us at home, was no less exciting. Having ensured our Easter guests would have an early exodus, we were poised and ready. Perhaps the only thing sadder than this finale will be next year’s series finale where any cliff hangers will literally leave you hanging for good.
We knew Jodi’s artist in residence piece was coming, but who knew it would be so bad in so many ways? She’s an amazing sculptor, so why in goodness name did she do a massive digital video piece? It was clearly more of a vindictive display than anything else, at least from the small snippet we saw on the show. Not to mention, last I looked when I was in photography school, any public displays of someone’s likeness requires a written model release. My guess is there certainly wasn’t one here! While the piece certainly had an impact, I was disappointed. Jodi is such a better artist and bigger person than that. While she is a fiery and angry woman who is willing to break all the rules in the name of artistic expression, I thought she could have done something a bit more inspiring to express her deep anguish and anger at the end of this relationship and Bette’s infidelity.
That being said, the coaching moment for me came after the unveiling. In the tender scene by the pool where Tina consoles Bette, she advises her to just let it go. That is fine advice because that is all Bette can do (unless of course she wants to sue Jodi for the piece which quite frankly will bring her no more resolution or peace). The lesson here is that people always act in their own interest and from their own perspective. Another person’s reaction to or towards us usually has very little to do with us. It has to do with them. While it often gives us insight into something we can learn personally; it is their stuff. In this case, the “core values” art piece is just that - Jodi’s expression of her emotional “stuff”. I’m not saying that this guiding principle of people acting in their own interest abdicates us of personal responsibility and responding to what life brings our way. What I am saying is that beating ourselves up and carrying the pain of someone else’s actions around in our life doesn’t serve us Read the rest of this entry »
By Paula ( March 18, 2008 ) · Filed under The L Word
You can tell we’re bumping up against the season finale when everything starts happening at once on The L Word. An on the edge of your seat trip, episode 11 “Lunar Cycle” was one not to be missed. By now, most people have learned the good and bad news. The L Word will be back for a sixth season next year (8 episodes), but it will be the final season. It is extremely sad as we’ve come to love this family of women, yet in a way I have to applaud the team that they are choosing to bring closure to the series while it is still at its peak. There’s nothing worse than a series that is wonderful and then slowly declines into mediocre before taking a half-hearted bow.
This week we see firsthand the fallout between Jodi and Bette. Quite an amazing set of scenes that really make evident Jodi’s heartbreak and desire to fight for her relationship and Bette’s change of heart. It is clear Bette feels love for Jodi but is no longer in love with her.The spark, passion, and intensity is uniquely Jodi and while it certainly brings closure to the relationship, it is sad nonetheless.
To me this whole episode was about the subtle and not so subtle ways we engage in self-sabotage. First off, the return of the past with Denbo busting in to proclaim that Ivan sold her 51% of The Planet. Now I realize a general partnership is about the worst kind of business structure you could use, but doesn’t Kit have to be involved in some way in this transaction? Doesn’t Ivan at least have a fiduciary duty to inform her business partner of the sale? I am no lawyer, but something seems fishy all around with this situation. This scene illustrates self-sabotage #1 which I would assert is Kit’s perceived lack of due diligence when she got into the arrangement to buy The Planet with Ivan. We all know how insecure and desperate Kit is (her vulnerability always speaking loudly in the face of her ongoing battle with addiction) and I believe that came into play in the initial transaction and certainly shows up later in this episode. Before I get to that, however, let’s talk about Jenny. Read the rest of this entry »
Just want to take a few moments to toot the horn of Echelon Magazine and some of their recent features that may be of interest to you. First and foremost, they have redesigned their website to have more Web 2.0 features. With that comes an emerging resource for Small Businesses and I am honored to have a profile on their site. If you or someone you know has a great business or career resource for the LGBT community, do let the folks at Echelon know.
I also wanted to give a shout out for their latest print magazine issue. I am thrilled to be a Contributing Writer in the March/April 2008 issue. I write about “What is important to you about money and business?”. I always love when I write something months in advance and then see it in print. Not only is it exciting from a purely self-satisfying motive, but when I re-read what I wrote I am able to better see the gems. In the article I say:
“The surest path to wealth lies inside ourselves. Who we are being as we go about our business activities has more to do with the quality of our lives and our ability to attract what we desire than any other how-to strategy out there.”
How true that is! If you’re constantly searching for something else - out there somewhere - in order to find happiness you will be searching (unsuccessfully) forever. Wealth starts from the inside out AND it can include as little or as much money as you desire.
By Paula ( March 12, 2008 ) · Filed under Coming Out
For many lesbians the choice of whether or not to come out in her professional life is an agonizing decision. The decision point lies in the direct collision of wanting to be authentic and fear of rejection. Often it can be an conflict that rages inside her for a long time robbing her of energy that could be spent letting her true self shine and on the things that matter most to her. It stands at odds with being fully comfortable in her own skin in many ways.
The other night I watched the documentary “Out on the Job” on Logo. It was a very worthwhile hour illustrating the challenges of coming out and being out on the job for three individuals. I particularly like their statement:
Coming out at work can be an act of incredible courage - especially for those who live in one of the 33 states where it’s legal to fire someone just for being gay. But even those who are out and proud in supportive workplaces can run into problems.
Sometimes we can forget just how much courage it takes. Yet I have to say after watching the show that even in the face of lost income, uncomfortable moments, and questioning whether it is worth it, I left with the feeling that all three of these individuals believe it is worth it. Difficult and miserable and unfair at times? Yes. Scary and overwhelming to see how many people truly support “family values” and agree with businesses who terminate employees/contractors simply for being lesbian? Absolutely. Even as reluctant everyday activists, though, we don’t see even one of the folks profiled give up or retreat back to the illusion of safety in the closet.
I would love to see more shows like this one profiling the everyday heroes and heroines of our community that choose to live out in their professional lives. While I do not judge someone’s choice to come out or stay hidden, I know from the work that I do that it is much harder to live a fully authentic life if you are hiding a part of yourself. As paradoxical as it might seem (especially knowing you could lose your career and income simply by coming out) - you do limit your potential for success on your own terms when you are living in a constant state of inner conflict and a maze of lies or half-truths.
It isn’t always a cut and dry decision. The stakes can be high and the courage to be vulnerable and live your truth can be immense. That’s why with any big decision you really need to take stock, go inside, and listen to the wisdom within you. If you’re not sure where to start, consider working your way through the Free Coming Out with Confidence eCourse I designed.
It is a great way to look at the big picture as it applies to you and your life. While you don’t want to make a hasty decision, most people say after they come out that they wish they had done it sooner. So, why not start the process today - in the privacy of your own inbox and your own thoughts.
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