When I coach people around self-care their initial reaction is “but I can’t because I’ll feel guilty, and my kids need me, and my partner needs me…”. Then I ask - But if you don’t take care of YOU, how will you have anything to give them?

Women especially feel extra guilty about taking time for self. They see it as selfish. Selfish has gotten a bad wrap! It has gotten associated with self-absorbed which is an animal of another color.

As I see it selfish as defined as “taking care of yourself”. It is actually one of the most selfless things you can do. It is a gift to give to those you love because when you are at your peak…you can be present and give of yourself to them 100%.

How many times do you find yourself being half-present for whatever you are doing? Maybe you’re at your kids sporting or other event but find yourself tapping away on your blackberry and taking cell phone calls. Perhaps you are taking a stroll with your partner but find yourself ruminating over 100 things from at work. Do you ever feel guilty about that? Most don’t even realize they are doing it and certainly don’t feel guilty rationalizing “you gotta do what you gotta do”.

What if…for just a month…you tried out putting yourself first. Maybe 15 minutes of quiet in the morning and another 15 at night. An hour or two just for you once a week. A date night with your partner so you can connect and re-member why you make a great couple. Read the rest of this entry »

I’m still basking in my trip to the NCAA Women’s Basketball Final Four in Tampa, Florida and will have a variety of insights to write about in the coming days. One comment that was made on ESPN as I was watching games leading up to the Final Four was about an opposing player commenting about what a swagger Candace Parker the star player for Tennessee Lady Vols has. Well you know what — on her the swagger works and is totally authentic.

I’m sure you’ve seen people who have a strut and an air about them that seems so arrogant, pompous, and fake, right? Well, that’s because it doesn’t fit who they are. If you’re trying to swagger and you don’t have the goods, well, you look like a jerk and other people try to avoid you (or mock you) at all costs. That holds true whether your domain is the basketball court or the boardroom. If your presence, personality, and the way you carry yourself doesn’t match who you really are… you appear fake and contrived. Not to mention, I bet you don’t feel very comfortable in your own skin either because you’re attempting to hold up a facade. Read the rest of this entry »

I am dyed in the wool cat person. It’s not that I don’t like dogs, I really do. Some of them have really won their way into my heart. At the end of the day, though, I am all about felines and can think of nothing better than a cat to curl up to. That’s why I am amazed at how much fun a little puppy love can be and how good it can be for the soul.

The other day when I was up at Columcille, I was hiking up the hill toward the circle of stones when I saw the founder Bill standing in the middle of the circle seemingly preoccupied with something on the ground. As I got closer I realized it was the cutest little puppy I ever did see. Immediately my mood shifted from contemplative and a little down to instant joy, silliness, and fun. The little guy whose name is Lochae (pronounced Lock-a with a long “ay”) is the new canine on the land. He is a white and gray Border collie mix. You see the land has always had border collies but I only knew them as adults. And, while I loved Lance and Duke, I never got to know them from their first arrival only after they already made the place and its stones their own. This little guy, however…. Read the rest of this entry »

Over the last few weeks I have really had a great time connecting and re-connecting with great people in my life. It is funny but I used to think that connecting with others had to look a certain way. It had to be a quantity thing or a close proximity thing or even a shared circumstance situation. Yet, what I’ve really been learning over the last few years is that none of these need be true to have a true connection. Time, space, distance, or shared circumstances need not apply.

Last month, I had the distinct pleasure of meeting one of my coaches who I worked with for about 2 years. I first found Leah Grant when she was an instructor of mine at Coach U. The experience she brought to the table and our connection sealed the deal and I ended up working with her one on one around the area of my business. In fact I am still working with her as I prepare for my ACC certification through the International Coach Federation. Long story short, she was in the Philadelphia area for a scrapbooking conference (yes she is a crazy multi-talented one just like I am - check out her Stylish Scrapper site) and we met for dinner at a local mexican restaurant.

For anyone who doubts the ability to truly connect with someone via telephone (which is how I both coach my clients and work with my own coaches) all I can say is you don’t know until you try it. When we met in person we connected and found each other instantly in the bar waiting area. My experience has been that energetically it is just a match whether you’re in person or over the telephone. We spent the night eating, hanging out, catching up, and sharing a lot of laughs over a few margaritas. (Note: I was planning a great picture to share and post on the blog, but the digital photo our waiter took is truly awful. The lighting, angle, and background make us look tremendously blurry and downright fun-house scary. Bummer!) Read the rest of this entry »

The whole balance thing is always in the news. Work-life balance, balanced living, strike a balance between family and self…it has almost become a meaningless buzzword. Yet, if you ask most people, they yearn for more balance. By that they mean more time for things that matter and less time chasing and seeking. Some people simply want to get a little sleep and down time and they’d call that a wild improvement in balance. Others are so stressed trying to figure out how to have everything be neatly and exactly sliced like a perfect store-bought pie that they feel like failures when it comes to balance if everything is not perfect.

Well, I’m here to tell you that balance in this “exactly proportional” way is impossible. Unless you’re living the life of a Stepford Wife, this illusion of perfection is just that - an illusion. (Of course anyone who looked beyond the surface knew that the whole Stepford Wife thing was far from perfection and in there lays the irony of it all.) There’s a new kind of balance that can leave you feeling great about all areas of your life and it doesn’t look at all like what you might think.

Let’s look at a great example of balance that illustrates the power of this new kind of balance I am referring to. Let’s start with my favorite - athletics. When you think of a highly trained athlete you don’t think of a balanced life. And, in fact I’d guess most elite athletes do put their sport above all else in their life because of the sheer commitment required. Yet, in their training routine is a hidden lesson that the rest of us can apply to the full spectrum of our life with great results. Read the rest of this entry »