I’m still basking in my trip to the NCAA Women’s Basketball Final Four in Tampa, Florida and will have a variety of insights to write about in the coming days. One comment that was made on ESPN as I was watching games leading up to the Final Four was about an opposing player commenting about what a swagger Candace Parker the star player for Tennessee Lady Vols has. Well you know what — on her the swagger works and is totally authentic.

I’m sure you’ve seen people who have a strut and an air about them that seems so arrogant, pompous, and fake, right? Well, that’s because it doesn’t fit who they are. If you’re trying to swagger and you don’t have the goods, well, you look like a jerk and other people try to avoid you (or mock you) at all costs. That holds true whether your domain is the basketball court or the boardroom. If your presence, personality, and the way you carry yourself doesn’t match who you really are… you appear fake and contrived. Not to mention, I bet you don’t feel very comfortable in your own skin either because you’re attempting to hold up a facade. Read the rest of this entry »

In a nutshell, the answer is No, but it can make you feel miserable. In fact, I wrote about the deadly “one day I’ll be happy” pattern we tend to fall into in my article “When Will You Be Happy?”. As it relates to careers, this deadly pattern translates into believing you’ll be happy only when you get that new, perfect job. Unfortunately jobs come and go and suddenly you find yourself in some new job and realize that it is a huge deejay-vu only with different furniture and the names and faces changed. Your feelings of happiness or unhappiness on the whole remain.

Given my personal interest in this topic as someone transitioning from life as an employee to life as a business owner, my eyes perked up when I read the recent “Pamela Slim and Penelope Trunk smackdown” on one of my favorite blogs Escape from Cubicle Nation. Since I am also an avid reader of Penelope Trunk’s Brazen Careerist blog and distinctly remember her post “The connection between a good job and happiness is overrated” I got sucked in to this latest post like a kid at an ice cream shop.

When I first read Penelope’s post, part of me wanted to jump up and say “You Got That Right!” and part of me (the miserable day job part of me) wanted to say “Easy for You to Say Lady!”. That’s why I am jumping at the chance to add my own $.02 to this conversation.

After reading Pam’s smackdown post this morning, I had an epiphany on my walk to yoga class. One of those moments when everything gets clear, makes sense, and the angels sing. I love it when that happens! The aha moment was my ability to articulate an explanation as to why the connection between job and happiness is overblown. Read the rest of this entry »

Do you know how some people are always ready to take the opportunity to take a dig at someone? Those little seemingly innocuous comments made in an attempt to lighten the mood or loosen up? In reality it neither lightens nor loosens anyone’s mood unless you are someone who enjoys a good laugh at someone else’s expense (and that’s a different conversation). I should know since I used to be a queen at passive aggressive comments and offhanded sarcasm directed at others.

Yesterday I spent the day at one of those big corporate shin digs where all the top brass does a big “rah-rah” dance complete with smoke and mirrors. While I know many of these folks mean well, sometimes their approach leaves a lot to be desired. In an attempt to keep the event light and personal, several top executives spent their introductions taking digs at one another. I suppose acting like you don’t care about how comments may come across to people in the audience or even deeply within the person you are lightheartedly digging is supposed to somehow make everyone feel like a big happy family. Now I’m all for being authentic and real. In fact it is a cornerstone of how I live my life and the approach I take to my work as a coach. Somehow my gut tells me that my discomfort at listening to this couldn’t possibly have been limited just to me.

That led me to the question of - why do we have to be so mean (even subtly) to each other? Is the only way to forge a connection in the corporate environment to poke fun at other people? Wouldn’t it be more powerful and unifying to share a moving, personal story rather than take cheap shots at one another? Read the rest of this entry »

How good are you at receiving a compliment or outright praise? Do you tend to slink down in your seat, hide, or generally blush? Worse yet, do you start making up a story as to why that compliment isn’t REALLY warranted? If so, you are insulting yourself and blocking an important channel to your happiness and success.

For example, in the past if someone would compliment me on something I was wearing, I would make up a million excuses as to why that isn’t so. That would sound something like “That is a great shirt you’re wearing.” I’d answer “Oh, this shirt? It’s so old and I borrowed it from my partner and it’s not really my color, etc, etc”. In effect someone would compliment me and I’d be telling them “You’re wrong!”.

Another example of something more personal is if someone compliments you on something you did. Read the rest of this entry »

If anyone exudes the confidence and panache that comes from being comfortable in your own skin, it is Suze Orman. Money and media mogul, she has helped millions of women take control of their finances through her bestselling books, magazine articles, and television specials. Believing “People First, Then Money, Then Things” she was one of the first financial folks to delve into the emotional reasons behind why people spend long before “emotional spending” became the media buzzword of the day. All that, and now, the New York Times reports that Suze has finally spilled the beans and reveals that her life partner is Kathy Travis. In true Suze fashion she jests in the article “We’re going on seven years. I have never been with a man in my whole life. I’m still a 55-year-old virgin.”

Back when I was in my 20’s and still relatively clueless about having to run a household with my own money, I discovered her book “9 Steps to Financial Freedom” and “The Courage to Be Rich”. While I was fairly good with my money it was a fine wakeup call to totally nix whatever small amounts of debt I had. It also opened my eyes Read the rest of this entry »