In my work with clients I often find myself working with talented, hard-working professionals who are tired of dancing around “the question” in their professional lives. The find themselves exhausted and drained from having to be “on guard” and living two different lives — “the me on the job (in the closet)” and “the me at home (out of the closet)”.

I have developed a proven 10 step process, a guide if you will, for professionals to come out with confidence both on the job and off. Read the rest of this entry »

While Stephen Covey may have cornered the market with his breakthrough tome “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People”, after my recent trip to the Canadian Rockies I believe the animal kingdom can offer us even more wisdom. Forget the theory that just because humans have opposing thumbs that they sit at the top of the pyramid of wisdom. One only needs to look as far as the state of affairs of wildlife management, environmental issues, and the pace of life in general to know that while we may be smart and innovative, sometimes we’re missing the back to basic mentality that can truly help us thrive and enjoy our lives while we do it.

When I wasn’t spending time obsessing about the fact that the bear population was out in full force because it was prime berry season in the Banff and Jasper areas, I really tuned into the amazing wildlife we were seeing. What did these magnificent creatures have to teach us? Well, this is what I found.

Read more of this article from my most recent newsletter…

I recently read an article in Inc. Magazine entitled “The Imposter Syndrome: Why Do So Many Successful Entrepreneurs Feel Like Fakes?” . As someone who has often felt “not good enough” at something (even if I am masterful at it) and wondered if I was a fake because I didn’t “” , the article caught my eye. So, why do so many successful folks, especially women feel consumed with self-doubt?

Some of the reasons cited by the article include:

• “I didn’t feel like I deserved it.”
• Success is due to some external factor like luck, timing, a fluke, or personality.
• Being successful with their business, but wondering, who would hire them if they chose to take a traditional job in an organization
• Feel ill-equipped to survive in the outside world
• Feel vulnerable because they don’t have as much formal education as their corporate counterparts

When it comes to the women in the mix, they have an added factor that fuels their feelings of self-doubt. When something goes wrong, men tend to blame things outside of themselves; however girls tend to blame themselves and internalize things. So, if a product goes bust, it is not because the product was flawed or the market just wasn’t biting. For a woman it translates into “I’m inadequate”.

What also struck me as interesting in the article is that many entrepreneurs channel these feelings of fear and insecurity into an unrelenting push to succeed. Somehow if they can keep their nose to the grindstone and work 100 hours a week, they can keep afloat. As a result of handling these negative feelings in this unproductive way, instead of ensuring success, they bring about inevitable collapse. Maybe the business doesn’t collapse but their personal life and health does instead. What we focus our thoughts on expands, so if we focus on our fear of failure, that’s what we get more of.

What’s a person to do?

Well, as someone who coaches business owners on not only making their business more successful but more importantly creating and living a thriving LIFE plan, I can assure you there are things you can do to keep the imposter gremlins at bay. Such as:

• Be mindful of what you make different events “mean”. Just like in the example above of how men versus women handle the same event, what you believe you create. Create empowering interpretations from life’s events, don’t wallow in the negative and most definitely don’t take it personally.
• Focus on the WHO of YOU not what is going on around you. Whatever business you own or job you hold will come and go; but you are stuck with YOURSELF for life. Investing in your own personal growth builds the character and life skills to not only succeed but FEEL successful and fulfilled
• Don’t compare yourself to others. Comparison only leads to distress especially when the way you think it is may not be the way it is at all. Ever compare yourself to a powerful, successful CEO who owns their own business? Well, that same CEO could’ve been profiled for this article.
• Get support. No one should have to plow through life and business challenges alone. Join a like-minded mastermind or networking group or hire a coach. The investment in time, money, and energy will yield results many times over.

If you’re looking for this kind of support so you can explore your self-doubt in a safe, confidential way and transform that into self-confidence and business results, surf on over to my website to learn more about how I can help.

One of the top reasons why bright and talented women often end up disliking what they spend their day doing for work is because companies want robots, not people, and they manage in such a way as to create zombies. What happens is that otherwise intelligent, top performing women head off into the work world with dreams of making a difference and being wildly successful and instead after years of working their butt off wake up one morning with dull ache where their passions used to be. A dull ache of apathy or not quite knowing what happened to the zest, panache, and spring in their step.

Today I read a post by Kathy Sierra at Creating Passionate Users that sums this phenomen up in pictures in a way I never could. I’d like a poster size of these images! They really rock. Hop on over to the article and take a deep look at the first two. Basically, why do companies hire bold, creative, smart, passionate, and independent people when what they really want are status quo, obedient robots? Here’s why, according to Kathy:

Why Robots Are the Best Employees

1) They don’t challenge the status quo

2) They don’t ask those uncomfortable questions

3) They’re 100% obedient

4) They don’t need “personal” days.

5)… because they don’t have a personal life

6) They never make the boss look bad (e.g. stupid, incompetent, clueless, etc.)

7) They dress and talk the way you want them to

They have no strongly-held opinions

9) They have no passion, so they have nothing to “fight” for

10) They are always willing to do whatever it takes (insane hours, etc.)

11) They are the ultimate team players

12) They don’t complain when you micromanage (tip: micromanaging is in fact one of the best ways to create a robot)

13) They don’t care what their workspace is like, and don’t complain if they don’t have the equipment they need

14) They’ll never threaten your job

15) They make perfect scapegoats

16) They get on well with zombies

She then goes on to create an awesome chart depicting the Zombie function. Basically it is what happens when an otherwise talented human is micromanaged to death. Hence, the word zombie. I mean, what talented person wants to be micromanaged? No one. And, my opinion on the micromanagers I have worked for is that they are so insecure and fearful of their own self and abilities that the only way they can feel secure is by tightening their grip and micromanaging. That’s an illusion of security if ever there was one. Micromanaging is like trying to control a cup of jello by tightening your fist around it. Go ahead, try it out…and let me know if you’ve sufficiently controlled that jello.

So, what can you do if you feel this dull ache and find yourself stuck in a world of robots and zombies? First, don’t despair - there is hope and your awareness of your dissatisfaction is the first step in creating a new situation that is fulfilling. Start with the following:

• Make a list of what is missing from your day to day life.
• Explore the question — what am I most passionate about? And, how have those passions gotten lost in the course of my day to day living? (Don’t worry about shoulds and don’t beat yourself up. Just write freely and openly over the course of several days.)

Once you get a sense of what is missing, you can start exploring ways to put these critical pieces back into your routine even if just in little ways at first. For instance, if you miss the freedom you once had (before you took a particular job perhaps) you can reserve one evening a week just for you to do whatever you choose and start experiencing a little freedom right now. What you’ll find is that as you start incorporating more of what really matters to you, even if only in 30 minute increments, you will start to awaken the person hidden behind the robot garb that you have unwittingly donned. As you start to wake up and reclaim some of this lost energy you can set about making even bigger changes that will put you on a path that excites you rather than drains you dry.

Not sure where to get started or overwhelmed by what you might discover? Contact me at paula@coaching4lesbians.com to learn more about how I work with people just like you to move beyond the daily grind.

Last night the Broadway revival of A Chorus Line opened and once again theater nuts can see the infamous musical in its new incarnation (it originally ran 1976-1990 and is like “THE” musical by which so many others are measured in terms of success and length of run). Once again, theatergoers can ask the timeless question “Who am I anyway? Am I my resume? That is a picture of a person I don’t know…”.

I always found this lyric particularly moving because it seems that as kids we act out the essence of who we really are, until someone tells us not to. You know, as a kid we want to eat the whole plate of cookies at the party until some adult informs us “Don’t Be Selfish”, so we morph into a person that views both eating all the cookies and taking time for ourselves in the same light — guilt — selfish — bad. And this goes on and on for some women until they wake up one day, look at the resume or their life and wonder — who the hell is that person in the mirror? I don’t think I know her.

How does this happen? Some of it happens from being told what we “should” do, so we do it even if our heart doesn’t agree. Sometimes it is because we stopped listening to what’s inside of us so we just do what everyone else does. Perhaps we don’t really know what we want (and hell, who REALLY does at 18 years old when they go to college) so we rationalize ourselves into courses of study and job interviews that look “safe” or “secure” despite the fact that they will crush our spirit. For some of us it gets even worse as we struggle with our sexuality, the dance of coming out (or not) and what that all means in terms of how others view us and what (we think) is possible for us.

As someone who graduated from college with a degree in something that doesn’t turn me on (accounting), I initially pursued corporate jobs that someone else advised me to pursue. Fortunately for me, many of them didn’t pan out because I wouldn’t have lasted 6 months as a road warrior, overtime innundated public accountant. By the time I was a few years out of college I had a job and a resume that had nothing to do with who I really am so I started to explore “what’s next”. With more years, life experiences, and wisdom under my belt I can now appreciate all that I’ve done as learning experiences and stepping stones that have served or will serve me in some way. But, it was not always that way and for some — living the fictional picture of a resume that doesn’t match who they really are can become a debilitating situation.

How about you? If you sit down, get quiet and look around at all areas of your life as well as your written resume/portfolio, what do you see? Do you see the real you? Does the image excite you about where you’ve been and where you’re headed? Or, do you look around and say “Oh crap, what the heck is THIS??” Maybe, perhaps you see something somewhere in between…like parts of your life are great, other parts are ok, and still other areas are not so inspiring.

Let me know what you think by posting a comment….