When I coach people around self-care their initial reaction is “but I can’t because I’ll feel guilty, and my kids need me, and my partner needs me…”. Then I ask - But if you don’t take care of YOU, how will you have anything to give them?

Women especially feel extra guilty about taking time for self. They see it as selfish. Selfish has gotten a bad wrap! It has gotten associated with self-absorbed which is an animal of another color.

As I see it selfish as defined as “taking care of yourself”. It is actually one of the most selfless things you can do. It is a gift to give to those you love because when you are at your peak…you can be present and give of yourself to them 100%.

How many times do you find yourself being half-present for whatever you are doing? Maybe you’re at your kids sporting or other event but find yourself tapping away on your blackberry and taking cell phone calls. Perhaps you are taking a stroll with your partner but find yourself ruminating over 100 things from at work. Do you ever feel guilty about that? Most don’t even realize they are doing it and certainly don’t feel guilty rationalizing “you gotta do what you gotta do”.

What if…for just a month…you tried out putting yourself first. Maybe 15 minutes of quiet in the morning and another 15 at night. An hour or two just for you once a week. A date night with your partner so you can connect and re-member why you make a great couple. Read the rest of this entry »

A few weeks ago during the May Full Moon, our group gathered for monthly meditation with the theme of the flower moon on our mind. The idea being that it is spring, a time of new birth, a time to till the soil, nurture what we plant, and watch it grow. As part of making this ritual more tangible, one member brought several herb plants for each person to take home and care for.

As we considered our plants that night some great questions arose:

• What seeds are you currently planting in your life?
• How are you nurturing those seeds and yourself as you wait for them to flourish?
• Can you be patient as they take root and grow?
• Can you still love and accept yourself even if despite all your best efforts they do not grow?

All great questions that can be applied to both the individual little herb plants we took with us that night as well as to the bigger picture within each of our lives. We are always planting seeds and growing. Sometimes it looks like a new career, striking out in your own business, a new business deal, a new relationship, moving to a new home, and so forth. The possibilities are endless as we are constantly in the cycle of getting ideas, planting them, nurturing, harvesting, and letting go as we transition yet again. Yet how often do we consciously notice how we are being – in relationship to ourselves, to the seed we are planting, to each other, and to the world at large? And, how do those relationships shift depending on whether things are going our way/according to plan or not?

Read the rest of Planting Acceptance…

This weekend I had the chance to walk in my first Pride parade as part of New Hope Celebrates. I joined the Bucks County Lesbian Alliance(BCLA) group for the parade route and had a great time. It has been ages since I last attended any specific Pride event and the first time I ever got to be up close and personal in part of the official fun. I can remember years ago when I first came out (say like 16 years ago… as long as my partner and I have been together… it’s a story & a revelation, let’s just say that) — we were a magnet to attend Pride and Women’s Festivals for the first few years. Since then we’ve been out and about doing a variety of things, but never found our way back to the fest.

I’m not a big parade or party person in general. I’m more of a quiet, small group of friends type of social engagement. Or, more likely out and about in nature solo, with my partner, or a small group of like-minded folks gay or straight. Yet I have to say this first experience was very moving! What the heck have I been waiting for?

While the parade was fairly short and sweet it was a lot of fun. Read the rest of this entry »

I can’t help myself. I am so excited about the new audio product I just released that I am dying to share it with the the Coaching for Lesbians community.

Are You Struggling With Living a Truly Authentic Life?

As a lesbian does living fully and standing in your truth leave you conflicted or scared?

It’s time for that to change.

Starting right here. Right now. You do not need to be a prisoner to your fears about how you “should” live your life anymore.

That applies to your career, your finances, and your personal life. If the shoe doesn’t fit, for goodness sakes how long are you going to go around limping in a size 5 stiletto if you are really more like a size 10 Doc Martin kinda gal? I know firsthand. I’ve been there — in jobs that don’t fit and in situations that made me scratch my head. I’ve felt like I didn’t fit into my own life and that is a very painful place to be.

That’s why it is my passion to help others, especially lesbians break free of this self-imposed prison. Read the rest of this entry »

Last Saturday I had the pleasure of doing my first build day on site with Habitat for Humanity Bucks County Women Build. While I really enjoyed the seminars earlier this year I didn’t know what to expect from the day. All I knew was that I had set my intention to do whatever was needed, have a good time serving others while working on a team, and make whatever I got assigned to do into a meditation and learning experience. Good news is that I managed to do all of the above!

I ended up working on the team assigned to laying cinder block foundation. So I spent the day digging hard soil (lots of rocks in this area as I know from my own yard), chipping away mortar, mixing concrete, and laying block. While I was initially frustrated, it did indeed get better as my crew leaders had promised. I might add my crew leaders were the best — the right mix of helping, encouraging, and letting you learn as you go. What I kept thinking about for most of the day as I did the work was this famous Zen story:

“Before Enlightenment chop wood carry water, after Enlightenment, chop wood carry water.”

What that means is that the tasks are the same, but who you are being as you do the tasks is totally different. While I am certainly not claiming enlightenment, I can say that I am so much better at being clear, open, and present with a task than I ever was before. Even tasks that are exhausting and not quite my cup of tea. Instead I did my best to approach it with the bigger picture in mind — serving families in need of decent housing and with the mindset that anything you do can be a meditation if you choose to allow it to be. And, when you do that a whole new world opens up to you.

I am certainly not going to turn to masonry as a career any day soon. In fact when one of the crew asked me if I wanted to make block laying my new career, I jokingly said “I’ll choose root canal or death!”. What I did gain was a whole new respect for people who work in construction or some sort of physical trade. I also was reminded how crazy busy my mind is, how quickly I get bored and frustrated when things aren’t going according to my expectations, and just how soft we all get with totally sedentary jobs.

While I am just now getting over being extremely sore (reminds me that while I am in good shape…hiking, biking, kayaking and weight lifting do not directly translate into block laying) — I am eager to go back and do another build day in June during their Women Build A Thon. First, I must get busy raising money so I can do so.

I highly recommend checking out a Women Build in your area. It is incredibly satisfying and amazingly empowering.