I’m still basking in my trip to the NCAA Women’s Basketball Final Four in Tampa, Florida and will have a variety of insights to write about in the coming days. One comment that was made on ESPN as I was watching games leading up to the Final Four was about an opposing player commenting about what a swagger Candace Parker the star player for Tennessee Lady Vols has. Well you know what — on her the swagger works and is totally authentic.
I’m sure you’ve seen people who have a strut and an air about them that seems so arrogant, pompous, and fake, right? Well, that’s because it doesn’t fit who they are. If you’re trying to swagger and you don’t have the goods, well, you look like a jerk and other people try to avoid you (or mock you) at all costs. That holds true whether your domain is the basketball court or the boardroom. If your presence, personality, and the way you carry yourself doesn’t match who you really are… you appear fake and contrived. Not to mention, I bet you don’t feel very comfortable in your own skin either because you’re attempting to hold up a facade. Read the rest of this entry »
Ever have a problem or challenge that you just can’t seem to solve? Perhaps you’ve stewed over it a while, tried to force a solution, and gotten frustrated in the process? You toiled away for hours or days on end to no avail. Then, all of a sudden out of nowhere an idea comes to you when you least expect it – in the shower, taking a walk, shopping for groceries.
We’ve all had this experience. I know myself in my many years doing computer programming I might hit a snag and then go absolutely insane trying to find a problem. I would toil, curse, scream, and rip my hair out and not be able to solve it. Then, if I walked away from it or simply asked someone with a fresh set of eyes to look at it – boom – there is a simple answer and the problem gets solved in a matter of minutes the path forward gets clear in an instant.
We each carry around limiting beliefs and a suitcase of excuses that we use to get in our own way and stop us from living our wildest dreams. We say things like “be realistic”, “it can’t happen”, or “that would be impossible” and then we go back to living in our comfort zone severely limiting what is possible for us.
I am not someone who watches much television, but this week I was riveted to the screen to see Marlee Matlin make her debut on Dancing with the Stars. Think it is impossible for a profoundly deaf woman to compete in a slick ballroom dancing competition in front of millions of people? Think again my friend. This woman showed up with her personality larger than life, took the dance floor, and not only did OK, totally wowed the crowd and the judges. She was absolutely amazing and inspiring. I was on the edge of my couch late in the evening pumping my fists in the air and hooting and hollering. You would’ve thought I was deep in my March Madness mode not watching ballroom dancing.
It was one of the most courageous and life affirming moments I have watched. In one passionate, sexy, cha-cha she proved once again that there are no limits to what a deaf person can do.
It is not without irony that the same week that Marlee appears on Dancing with the Stars her character Jodi breaks up with Bette on The L Word. In a pivotal moment Bette says the following words to Jodi: “I love who you are, I love how you stand in the world. I love your talent, I love your passion, and I love your anger.”
Can you answer that question quickly and with a nice long list? If you can’t you’re not alone. So many people really struggle with this question. If I asked you the question “What do you dislike about yourself?” Would the answers flow freely and make a long list? If so, again, you have lots of company.
What got me thinking about this topic again was our monthly full moon gathering. We each were asked to bring to the circle a list of 2-3 things we love about ourselves and 1-2 qualities we would really like to focus on shifting for the better (aka things we don’t like as much or wish we were better at). When we met, we each got to share and talk about our list and light a candle to hold these intentions.
Once again I got to experience firsthand the power of watching wonderful people struggle so much to acknowledge things they love about themselves while quickly jumping right to the “don’t like/need to improve” list. I have seen it so many times — as a participant and assistant at Debbie Ford’s Shadow Process, in my clients, my friends, and definitely myself.
What fascinates me is how when one person speaks in the group and struggles with finding qualities she loves about herself, the others present can so quickly name those qualities. “You are compassionate! You are a passionate woman! You are so giving and charitable! You are creative and talented! You are loving!” The positive qualities just flow effortlessly from the group. Yet, the minute the question gets turned back on us, we freeze like deer in the headlights, mutter a bit, turn our gaze downward, and say “um, hmmm, I don’t know”.
Almost a week later I am still integrating my experience from this year’s Radical Aliveness Retreat. You see last year was a wild, deep, and intense ride for me. Intensely painful at times but with months of hindsight I know it was such a necessary and fruit filled journey. This year was equally moving but in a different way. After all, I’m in a different place personally than I was last year. This is good because it means I didn’t spend the year in between stagnant like a pond in mid-July! And it is all because I have been willing to come to the edge and look.
Let me share with you what that means. Dr. Susan Rangitsch who leads these retreats shared this:
Imagine you are standing on a ledge and there is a tree branch before you that you just know could not hold your weight. And the teacher says, “Come to the edge”. “Come to the edge.” Would you go?
Of course when I heard this last year besides being scared to death of the idea my first thought was that this woman was certifiably insane. I mean, really. Let’s be real, why would I knowingly wander out on a metaphorical branch that could not hold me? Read the rest of this entry »
have a variety of insights to write about in the coming days. One comment that was made on ESPN as I was watching games leading up to the Final Four was about an opposing player commenting about what a swagger Candace Parker the star player for Tennessee Lady Vols has. Well you know what — on her the swagger works and is totally authentic.
So many people really struggle with this question. If I asked you the question “What do you dislike about yourself?” Would the answers flow freely and make a long list? If so, again, you have lots of company.
Retreat. You see last year was a wild, deep, and intense ride for me. Intensely painful at times but with months of hindsight I know it was such a necessary and fruit filled journey. This year was equally moving but in a different way. After all, I’m in a different place personally than I was last year. This is good because it means I didn’t spend the year in between stagnant like a pond in mid-July! And it is all because I have been willing to come to the edge and look.
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